The Life of an Introvert

Surviving School

So let's talk about school today. Sorry to exclude those of you who are no longer in school, but I'm sure you can still join us as you have some wonderful stories to tell of placing thumbtacks on teacher's chairs.

Well, let's get started.

Contrary to popular belief, not having a lot of friends at school does not make you a 'loser' or a 'nerd'. So if you're that kid who prefers listening to his lpod or reading at lunch instead of sitting with a group, l just want to let you know that you're not alone and not inferior to the rest of the school population.

There are different aspects of school I want to talk about in this book. One of them is the social aspect, and one of them is the educational part. Today let's talk about the social part. Why? Because I said so.

As far as I can tell, there are many introverts that have learned how to get by at school, myself included. They have people to keep them company, but are also allowed some space and time of their own.

Let me tell you firsthand that it is important to have friends. You don't need to be popular or be the class clown, but having at least one person you can confide in or talk to. Maybe it doesn't even have to be someone your age. If you want, it can be the janitor.

Hey, don't judge. Janitors are perfectly nice people.

All joking aside, there are are some things you need to learn about school and its socialness. Is socialness a word? Probably not.

1) Friends are great, but you don't need to have a lot of them. Of course, some people like having a lot of friends, but others do not. I, for example, have about 3 or 4 friends, but all of them are extremely close to me. All of my friends are quiet and calm in class and at school, but when we're all together, it's insanity.

Other people may have a lot more friends, but still only have a few of those friends share a deep level of closeness or intimacy. (No, not that kind of intimacy. Get your mind out of the gutter). What would be really nice is to have a lot of friends and have a very deep relationship with all of them, but I can imagine that would be rather difficult. Basically what I'm saying is that it's not always about the number of friends you have, but the kind of relationship you have with them.

2) Be open and inviting to making new friends. You don't have to go chasing people, but you should let others know that you are a friendly person. Make friends with other introverts if you need to. Now, they aren't going to be walking around screaming out the fact that they are introverts, but you can find people that might be new to the school or having trouble making friends themselves. People will sometimes be the first approach you to be friends, but it's not always the case. Sometimes you need to make the first gesture if you're interested. Growing up, I was always reserved and still am. People usually approached me to become friends, invited me to sit with them at lunch. So far I've been lucky. But I want to warn you to watch out for friends that will stab you in the back. Don't stay with people that tease you or make you feel left out. These people aren't real friends. You deserve friends that allow you to feel comfortable and wanted. Nobody should convince you otherwise.

3) Remember that school is one of the most social and stimulating places ever. Find a couple thousand hormonal teenagers of different backgrounds, cultures, and personalities. Then tell them to sit still in a classroom for several hours a day. Let me know that works for you.

It's normal to feel overwhelmed by school once in a while. Make sure you have alone time if you need it, and that you can balance your friends' needs with your own. Did you spend all day yesterday at a fundraiser selling delicious Hershey's bars and doing homework? You want to chill out today and not spend all day at a party another friend put together? Go ahead and tell them. if they're a good friend, they'll understand.

4) Don't let people try to put you down. Most definitely do not listen to anybody that tells you you're a loser, that you have no friends, or that you're a dork. Everyone, introverted or not, has to start from scratch when it comes to making new friends. Some people are better at it than others, but I've learned that introverts can deep and trusting relationships. It takes more time, but it's there.

5) Join clubs or teams. I know that it's easier said than done. I joined my tennis team and I didn't know anybody there. So when we were practicing, I saw a girl from one of my classes and started talking to her. I don't even remember what I asked her, just something about whether she'd ever played tennis before. But we became good friends. Sometimes, all it takes is one gesture or conversation.

6) Don't let the movies scare you. School is not some evil place where you get isolated for not wearing pink on Wednesdays. Believe me, I remember being in first grade, terrified of going to middle school because I thought that everyone there was a "stupid meanie". Yes, my exact words. This was partly my brother's fault because he was in middle school at the time, and he really was a stupid meanie.

Just kidding bro. Love ya

But yeah. Trust me, it's not that bad. There are definitely some jerks in school, but the genuinely nice people outweigh them by far.

7) The cafeteria. This terrified me the most. All those movie scenes of the girl walking through the cafeteria, trying to find a table to sit at, and then someone trips her and then she gets laughed at and then she gets eaten by the evil jell-o monster.

Oh wait, sorry, that was a different movie.

Well, that's also wrong. People are also willing to let you sit with them and welcome you if you approach them and ask them. Many people will also approach you if they see you sitting alone.

What I did was find some people I knew from my old school and sat with them. Eventually, I made new friends and sat with them instead. Nothing wrong with this, either. Just because you sit with one person doesn't mean you can never sit with another.

Hey, when it comes down to it, there's nothing wrong with sitting alone at lunch either. Yeah I know what you're thinking. "Cam, only losers sit alone at lunch. Remember in all those movies, the bullied guy sits alone at lunch and is depressed all the time?"

Listen, I sit with a group of friends, and every once in a while I notice people who sit alone and read or listen to music while eating lunch. My other friends have tried inviting them over before, but they said no. And these people have great friends. They don't get bullied. They aren't depressed.

Some people simply like sitting alone at lunch. It's their time to relax and be on their own before class starts again.

Obviously some people do sit alone because they are bullied or haven't made friends yet. It never hurts to ask people sitting alone if they want to sit with you. However, they simply may not want to and genuinely like being alone better. If they like it that way, what's the problem? If you are one of those people who genuinely enjoy sitting alone, don't feel bad about it. Don't be too self conscious. If you don't make it a big deal, chances are that others won't either.

School is not like in the movies. Just keep your head up and you'll be fine.