My Stupider Blog

Alone (Possible Triggers Sorry ;;)

WARNING** This isn't a suicide note, i don't actually plan on commiting suicide i promise. :) Sorry if it seems like that. I'm just really fucking upset at society, life and myself. Don't take me seriously, please.

DO NOT TAKE ANYTHING TO HEART OR GET OFFENDED. I JUST HAD A LITTLE MELTDOWN AND THOUGHT TOO HARSHLY. PLEASE FORGIVE ME.

So at school, I'm pretty much the loneliest, pathetic person E V E R.

And the only way I've been managing, is through a person I barely consider a 'friend.'

I'm not going to share personal names so we'll just call her........ Idk, Jessica or something.

We RP together, but honestly, she SUCKS. Her characters are all 'boo hoo, I'm abused I can never be fixed cause my characters don't want to be.'

k, HONESTLY THOUGH?????? I'm sorry I'm just really fucking upset about this.

I hate RPing with people who can't understand logic or self-shame. All of her characters are ALWAYS the main picture. My characters never get their moments. It's always ALL ABOUT HER FUCKING CHARACTERS. And she always adds things in the middle of the RP. Like, her characters are suddenly normal and then suddenly, BOOM! BIPOLAR BITCH.

like, she made her character have 'Syncope' which is a condition where you suddenly black out. usually caused by smoking tobacco.

Now her character was completely AWARE that this was killing her, yet she didn't do ANYTHING about it. LIKE?????? And I understand the actual issue IRL and i understand what people go through, I'm not saying its something EASY to cure. But her character was like 'it hurts, but i need to smoke...' and then got really abusive towards MY character. -_-

and i told her that her character is a complete idiot and a normal person would at least ATTEMPT to get help and of course, she snapped and went 'just let me do what i fucking wantwith my characters'

and then i tried to explain LOGIC to her and her only reply is;

(...I'm going to bed.)

And i am SORRY. But i can't fucking stand it when people play the fucking victim when they clearly AREN'T. And i called her out on it.

i told her. We shouldnt RP if you can't accept the truth, you obviously get too offended easily.

And then i said, and i quote exactly; "And also, it's rude to suddenly play the victim.'

and guess what her defense was.

THAT BITCH LEFT THE RP. LIKE A FUCKING CRYBABY.

I wasn't being mean AT ALL. I was trying to tell the fucking TRUTH. But nooooooo.. It's MY FAULT OF COURSEEEEEE.

And you can't even say anything to her. Because she plays a fucking victim and cries to her stupid fucking mommy and daddy. Because they'll do ANYTHINGGGG for their 'perfect' little angel. Tch.

So currently as I write this, I'm on the very edge of just suddenly grabbing my scissors and cutting myself and sobbing. I can't stand this and everytime I'm around her, I just can't feel anything other than sadness. SHE is the reason I hate myself. SHE is the reason I can't focus. SHE is the reason I want to kill myself.

I'm sorry I'm such a fucking mess.

We just got into a fight and knowing her, we probably won't even be friends tomorrow and for my next 3 years of High school, I'll be fucking ALONE.

She's such a fucking bitch I want to hurt her so badly she doesn't ever understand. And I can't even explain my pain to her. Last time i did THAT, she made up lies that SHE was the depressed one and she said that she was self harming and wanted to kill herself. She said that she cut on her arms.

Guess what.

NO FUCKING SCARS OR CUTS.

Her skin is completely FRESH. BITCHHHHHHH

And if she doesn't lie (for once) then she gets offended and screams at me like I'm the wrong one.

I bet if i fucking die that'll be all my fault too, right? Yep. Cause it's always my fault. It's always my call. She's NEVER wrong.

LET'S MAKE A BET!!! I bet all of my followers 100$ EACH that I won't get any sleep tonight because of all my fucking stress and problems. All because of that fucking little bitch.

Im so sorry im so sorry please don't hate me im trying to just get by.

And I'm sorry bae, i shouldn't have kept this from you for so long I don't mean to hide things I'm just scared i didn't want to tell you this way. 

I haven't been eating either. I've been carefully watching what times I eat and I can tell you right now, I'm developing Bulimia.

Because I don't bring lunches to school and that bitch brags that 'ohhh the food is so good!!!' 'too bad you can't buy any...'

I want to die so badly someone please help me I just want to leave everything will be better if i could just get away from her and go to the same school as my most precious baby bae. Please Reaper please help me im sorry please don't hate me im really really sorry.

And when i tell 'Jess' that shes hurting me, she laughs as if im joking.

Maybe if i get skinnier she'll see what shes doing to me. She'll see what she's done. Then maybe i can make her hate herself and maybe then she'll hate her life.

Oh god im so fucking sorry i dont wish that on anyone i can barely see my screen please forgive me.

I'm just going to try and sleep it off. Wish me luck for tomorrow. Hopefully i get by.

Love you all, bye.