My Online Diary

i don't know (you're welcome for a second update today btw)

one of the reasons why i don't show things i create is because i feel ashamed and embarrassed of them. and the reason why i feel like that towards my creations is because i know for a fact that there's someone out there, maybe even one of my friends, who can do so much better. so when the talented ones show their pieces of incredible art, it makes mine look like actual utter shit and makes me have the feeling that i should physically punish myself for being so bad - compared to them and all. it's even worse when that so called 'talented one' is one of my friends and actually see it. i just can't bare for them to see my works in their lowest points - just kidding, they're always at their lowest points. actually, i think that this is one of the main reasons why i stopped making original stories in the first place. back then, i didn't really care whether or not it was bad, or exactly what people thought of it, and only did it because i enjoyed it. now, after coming to the realization that i actually do deeply care about what they think, and hiding in shame of the horrible creations i make, i don't do it anymore because i would hate myself even more if i showed it to the world. and it's not like i don't enjoy writing anymore - i actually love it! it's just that my insecurities get in the way of me showing my original stories to you guys. if you look at my notes on my ipad, you'll see a bunch of stories that i never showed anyone - an everlasting story that will remain unread and unappreciated. and i honestly think that's a lost, to be honest, since maybe one of those stories i made was actually good. not like i would know or anything. but alas, for how long it may be, i will never show anyone those pieces of disgusting and worthless crap. i don't want to hate myself even more - i really really don't.

is this a cry for help? yeah, maybe.

//noadora\\