(Watch the video/listen while reading. It goes with the chapter 😊)
It was nearly 9 by the time we ended up getting to the bar, which was overflowing with people and loud guitar music. It already looked like a good time, but it was going to take a lot of alcohol before I could pull myself out of the state I was in.
Elliot and Lukas had spent all night getting ready, but I'd taken a break from the whole dress up thing, opting for jeans and a Strokes t-shirt. I had no one to dress up for, and I just wanted to feel like myself again.
But that was impossible with thoughts of Alex and that fucking kiss swimming through my mind. I had to remind myself that we had been drinking. Alex probably couldn't even remember half of the night. I'd done plenty of stupid shit when I was drunk.
The kiss had been something. I couldn't explain what it was or what it meant for the both of us, but what I did know was that it hadn't changed anything at all.
He was still Alex Turner. He was still a rockstar with a gorgeous fiancé and an entire life somewhere far away from Sheffield.
And I was just me.
But what else was new?
Elliot hooked his arm in mine as we made our way to the bar.
"You're being miserable, Em," he said. "But I love you anyway."
I rolled my eyes.
"Speaking of which, are you ever going to tell us why you're moping?" Lukas questioned.
"Do you even have to ask?"
"Right," Lukas said. "So how about we play a game tonight. The rules will be simple- we can't mention Alex or his hot fiancé all night. Who, by the way, I was stalking on Instagram last night. Do you want to know how many followers this bitch has? She has-"
Elliot shot a look at Lukas, shutting him up. "How about we start the game now?"
I loved the both of them to death, but they were definitely not helping. I just needed to drink.
We took seats at the bar and I got two beers down before they even finished half of their first round. They were rotating music acts on the stage, but I didn't start listening until Elliot and Lukas disappeared to the dance floor and I was left alone at the bar with nothing to do.
I turned my attention to the stage just as some local band I'd never heard of left the stage and a random guy jogged up to the mic.
"Alright, alright," the man at the mic said. "I think you all know our next performers. Everyone here like the Kooks?"
Huh. The Kooks. I hadn't seen them for a long time. They started out around the time the lads started the Monkeys, and they used to play in a lot of the same places. They never quite blew up as big as Arctic Monkeys, which kind of always perplexed me. Of course Alex's band would always be my number one, but the Kooks were good. Really fucking good. But for some reason they didn't have as big of a following.
The man in front of the mic moved just as a bloke about my age walked on stage, followed by one who looked slightly older. It didn't take me more than half a second to recognize them as two-fourths of The Kooks.
I watched the lead singer closely, unable to remember his name for the life of me, though I'm positive I'd talked to him at one point or another when the Kooks and the Monkeys used to play in the same bars in the early days of their careers. I probably would have been more into their music through the years if I hadn't been so wrapped up with Alex.
The lead singer looked pretty much the same as he had the last time I'd seen him. Curly hair, boyish face, He hadn't gone through some sex god metamorphosis like Alex had, and it was kind of refreshing to see that the music industry didn't change everyone.
I mean, not that Al turned into some douche, or anything. But there was no denying that he was different.
"Hello," the lead singer said into the mic. "We're gonna be playing a song called 'Rosie'. Hope you all enjoy."
They each took a seat on a stool and pulled their guitars into their laps. They took a few minutes to find the right key, and then the lead singer leaned into the mic and I was instantly taken with the song. So much so, that I couldn't look away or stop listening.
Something about the lyrics hit me so fucking hard.
"And yes, I missed you all,
Since I last saw you I fell down the rabbit hole..."
I couldn't help but think of Alex.
"As I wonder what we'd be like,
Wrapped up, so up tight with you.
Lust will do funny things,
I don't want you going out looking so good..."
I felt like he'd read my mind. The lyrics screamed Alex, so much so that I felt an ache in my chest and had to gulp down another beer before I could listen again.
"Well I wanted you so easily,
Illusions passed and now I see
that an image is so different to reality..."
They played on, and after they were finished, the lead singer said "thank you" and just headed off the stage and into the crowded room. That's what was so nice about pubs like this one-- nobody gave a fuck if you were famous. Everyone just wanted to have a good time.
But I was far from having a good time. Coming to a bar Al used to play in was definitely not a good idea, especially with the lyrics swirling through my mind.
I'd definitely fallen down the rabbit hole with Alex. Maybe I'd always been lost in it. But all I wanted was to find my way out of it, because I couldn't have him.
And as much as it stung, I knew more than I knew anything else at this moment in time that he would never be mine.
And like The Kooks had just sang, the illusion of that him being mine had passed, and now I saw everything for how it was.
And it fucking hurt.
I sat there at the bar, staring into my drink. I couldn't tell if five or fifty minutes passed, and I really didn't care. I wasn't able to pull myself out of my own mind until heard a voice behind me.
"Is this seat taken?"
I looked up, ready to tell him that it was, but I stopped dead when I saw who was standing there. He was a mess of curly hair and crooked teeth, and he was smiling right at me.
"You're the guy... from the Kooks," was all I could say.
He laughed. "Yeah, I'm the guy. And I'm hoping you're not some deranged fan. And that the seat next to you isn't taken."
