Harry Potter Discovers Starkid

Act 1 Part 11

[Everyone is dancing, dressed in ball gowns and dress robes, Harry and Ron enters with a case of Butterbeer]

HARRY

Hey Ron.

RON

Hey, whats up there Harry? Have you seen Hermione anywhere?

HARRY

No, I haven't. Why?

"Where are you Hermione?" Ginny asked. "Hopefully not in a bathroom, crying and getting attacked by a giant troll," Ron joked.

RON

Nothing, nothing. It's just...I heard Padma Patil tell Pavarti Patil that she had seen Hermoine in the girl's locker room, just crying her eyes out in the bathroom stall or something like that.

Hermione raised her eyebrows. "At least theres no troll," she joked weakly, reminded unfondly of her days without friends at Hogwarts.

HARRY

Crying?

RON

Yeah, is that like the saddest thing you've ever heard?

"Yes, it is!" Ron said, holding Hermione's hand.

HARRY

Yeah!

RON

I don't know. It was inevitable that one day Hermione would realize that no guy would ever like her, ya know? Because of her obnoxious personality and her ugly face and her misshapen body but you know I just thought she would have at least one night of happiness before she realized she would be growing old alone, ya know?

Hermione looked sadder with each word, head hanging. " Hermoine! I'm not him! He's reading a script, not reading my thoughts! I know you have a beautiful personality, and a gorgeous face and a perfect body! Don't let some stupid, dumb, crooked jawed American actor tell you any different," Ron said. Hermione smiled saddly and nodded.

DRACO

Hey, are you two here talking about Granger?

HARRY

Get out of here Malfoy, its none of your business. Why don't you go dance with Pansy over there?

MALFOY

Oh, right. [To Pansy] Hey! Go get me some punch!

"That was rude of him," Ginny said.

PANSY

Okay. Oh, but I should let you know...theres Squirt in it.

HARRY

Oh nice!

DRACO

Squirt?! Nevermind I'll stay dehydrated! Go powder your nose or something.

"Does no one like Squirt?! Has the world gone insane!" Harry demanded, shaking his head.

PANSY

I just fixed my make up a little while ago.

DRACO

Trust me, you need more powder! [She leaves] Pain in the ass right? So anyway. noticed Grangers not around here. It's probably for the better too. No one would be able to keep their hummers and peter chips with that ugly mug of hers dancing around.