Dear Readers,
Some of you have made me videos telling me to stay strong. Some of you have written me notes. Some have made me amazing thinks that have made me smile and laugh when I felt like dying.
I'm sorry this has to be goodbye.
My parents found my texts with my girlfriend.
They called her horrible names. They said she was going to hell when she must have fallen from heaven. They said that she was ugly when she was the most beautiful thing to walk this Earth. They called her wrong when all she's ever been to me is right.
They are taking away Wattpad, their exact words being "We don't want any of you communicating with the outside world anymore."
I can't live like that.
They've taken Wattpad, I'm staying alive for the people who care off of Wattpad. They've taken my music, I'm staying alive for the people who care outside of music.
Now I had to tell her goodbye.
She was crying so much, so much.
I did that.
This is all my fault.
My fault for getting Wattpad. My fault for writing stories. My fault for liking "devil's music." My fault for liking girls. My fault for falling in love with someone too amazing to describe.
I have no one left.
My girlfriend is gone. My music is gone. And soon you all will be gone too.
They've torn me away from my real family with smiles and joy. They told me, in exact words "We are your family. Those people, those strangers, they are not your family."
Tell me mom, does family drive each other to the point of suicide and take everything they care about?
Here, these "strangers" are the reason I've been alive so long. They've made me smile and laugh when you talked about me and my type of people like animals.
These people, some of the people reading this, they are and always will be my family.
You, you and your hypocrisy, you and your black heart, you are not my family.
I will not call you "mom" because that is not your name, on here I will call you L.
So L, how does it feel?
How does it feel to finally have the one who was "misguided" out of the house? The one you said you stayed up all night worrying about when my insomnia, also your fault, kept me up to hear you snoring? How does it feel to have denied me medical help for so long that I took my life into my own hands and ended it?
You will cry to save your reputation, but I want my real family to never believe it.
I'm not going to kill myself tonight or tomorrow.
I am going to fucking fight.
I am going to kick and scream and yell and punch my way to eighteen so I can get away. Run away.
So, this is goodbye for a very long time, but it doesn't have to be forever.
I'm going to fight and fight and fight.
I won't let you be the reason I die. I need to stay alive for my real family, the other ones reading this. I'm going to win and be free or die free, and either way I win.
I am not going to commit suicide.
Someone else though, many people who know very well who they are, they are going to try to kill me. I am going to fight.
I am not afraid to keep on living.
I am not afraid to walk this world alone.
I will not let them take the light from behind my eyes.
I will stay alive for you, and for everyone else who I love.
I will win.
I am going to fight and fight and continue on Wattpad like nothing ever happened for as long as I can, but once I disappear I'm gone until 2022.
That would be the year I go to college, and also the year I am free.
Stay alive, always stay alive, because you all are so strong.
-Kat
P.S. I will not be leaving Wattpad until I am physically forced, and that may be a while from now. This means everything to me and I'm not going without a fight. There will be little to no understanding of exactly when I'm leaving, but you should know why. I love you. Stay alive.
|-/
YOU ARE READING
Wake Up, Get Paid, Get Laid, Gatorade
FanfictionA combination of a journal, a tag book, a rant book, and a place I put all my random bullshit. I'm really emo btw bye. This is the cringiest shit ever I'm so sorry.
