Bite me (Grayson Dolan)

Chapter 80

Lina's P.O.V

After the boys along with Cameron and Natalie started talking about some spells and some stuff they could do I excused myself to go upstairs. But not before grabbing a bottle of alcohol and get drunk upstairs in my room. I opened the door to the room and then locked it as soon as i was inside. I grabbed my diary from my suitcase and started writing. 

Dear Diary 

Today is just like any other day. A day filled with disappointment and sadness. It's been more than a month since that day. The day Eliza, the bitch stole my babies. I feel hopeless, depressed, angry and most of all I'm scared. Scared that my babies are on someone else's arms right now and there's nothing I can do it about it. Scared because while trying I'm becoming someone i don't wanna be. I'm scared to move, to breath. I'm scared of everything. 

I've been avoiding Grayson and I don't even know why. I'm not who i used to be. I've slowly lost myself and everything. I just don't understand how this can be God's plan for me...

"God can't you see me? Can't you see me? REALLY LOOK AT ME!" I screamed and then started sobbing. This is not... I'm not okay... "How many other ways are there for you to rip my heart out?" I asked again but this time not yelling, just talking like I normally do, with tears falling down my face and a bottle of whiskey on my hand while I stare at absolutely nothing. 

"Lina?" I heard a voice and I recognize it like no other. "Hey Hanna." I say with a smile playing on my face. I'm drunk I must be dreaming or something. "Lina what are you doing?" She asked again and I turned my head and she was here next to me. "I don't know. Drinking and crying about the fucked up life i have." I said and she shook her head and reached to touch me but I didn't feel her touch at all.

"Lina. What has happened?" She asked and I sighed. "Well we're in Sweden. This is where Eliza is and before we got here she informed us about killing you and stuff." I said and she gasped. "Lina I'm not dead." She said and I started chuckling. "You are here! You're alive. You're always gonna be here." I said looking at her she nodded. "I'm here." She said as I continue to drink the bottle of whiskey. 

"Lina stop drinking. That's enough." She said and reached to grab the bottle but she couldn't do anything. "Lina god fucking damn it. Stop drinking. Stop doing this to yourself, you're gonna be okay." She said and I got up from the floor angrily. "I'm so sick of people telling me what to do and how to feel. I'M ANGRY AND I'M IN PAIN. I'M NO USE TO ANYONE. EVERYWHERE I STEP FOOT, EVERY WHERE I GOT IS JUST PAIN, PAIN AND FUCKING PAIN. I'M NO ONE." 

"Lina just listen to me, okay? You're not no one , you're someone. Lina you're my best friend, OKay? And I need you. Grayson needs you, Mason and Daisy need you. You're someone important and you mean so much to all of us. Don't say this. I hate seeing you like this." She said coming closer to me with a sad look on her face. 

"You know? Part of me just wants to end it. Flip the switch and be free." I said looking out the window and staring at the sunrise. "Lina, no." Hanna said and I sighed and closed my eyes. "I can't handle feeling like this anymore." I said blocking her screams as I did it. Flipped my switch off, turned my humanity off.

It is for the best.

End of chapter 80.