Fallback Girl (Chat MD Series #3)

Day 17.2

(Hannah's anonymous diary online)

If I am not happy with the relationship, does it automatically mean I shouldn't love? If I'm not benefiting from the relationship, if I'm not honest, if I'm not expectant of anything, if I'm not secured nor reassured, does it automatically mean I should let go?

Does it mean I have to sort my feelings out?

If so, why do people commit themselves to relationships?

Is it to be happy? Is it to benefit? Is it to be honest? Is it to be surprised? Is it to be awed? Is it to be secured? Is it to be assured of the future?

Is it to be loved?

Don't people commit to relationships because they want to love another person?

If I push through a relationship because I wanted to love; if that person I love couldn't love me back; if in the process, the love I am giving is hurting me instead... is the only option to let go?

Is it being foolish if I wanted to wait? Is it being foolish if I believe he will change? Is it being foolish to endure the pain?

Or is it just plainly, painstakingly, being in love?

Ah. That other guy confuses that I have to write these things as if I'm defending myself to myself. As if I'm justifying what I have been doing.

He confuses me... but a lot of times, he also comforts me.