ULTIMATE Doctor Who Book of Randomness (COMPLETED)

Series 7 Episode 9: Hide (Part 1)

P.O.V: Emma Grayling

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The rain pounded outside the window. It was nighttime, perfect for ghosts. I heard a lightning strike, followed by a rumbling case of thunder. Palmer and I had just finished our set up in the entrance hall by the staircase.

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"How are we looking?" I asked, peering over his shoulder at the equipment.

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Palmer straightened up and sighed. "Oh, about ready, I think."

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I glanced behind me nervously. "Any thoughts on the interference?

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Palmer glanced backwards as well. "Er, a stray FM broadcast, possibly. I've fitted some ferrite suppressors and some RF chokes, just in case." He paused. "Are you sure you want to go through with this? I mean, the last time, it was very---"

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"But she's so lonely." I interrupted him. I felt her presence in the room, cold and barren.

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The corners of his mouth lifted in a sort of half smile. "Excellent, then. Excellent." He lifted the microphone to his lips and spoke. "Caliburn House, night four, November 25th, 1974. 11.04 pm."

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"I'm talking to the spirit that inhabits this house. Are you there? Can you hear me? I'm speaking to the lost soul that abides in this place." I waited for a response. I'd tried to sound as gentle as possible.

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Just then, there was a slight reaction on the paper graph.

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I approached the graph slowly, and began again. "Come to me. Speak to me. Let me show you the way home."

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Palmer grimaced in pain when a shrill sound came through his headphones.

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I opened my arms, almost waiting for the ghost to accept. "Let me show you the way home!"

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Palmer grabbed his camera and began taking shots of the white image slowly approaching us. This feeling washed over me suddenly, and I gasped. Staggering, I grabbed onto a chair and heaved myself down.

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"Emma?" Palmer approached me.

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I took a deep breath, regaining my composure. "She's so..." I paused, catching my breath once more.

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"So what?"

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"Dead." We were interrupted when there was a knock on the door. Palmer approached the door and opened it carefully. There was no one there, but then a man popped up from the side.

"Boo! Hello, I'm looking for a ghost." The man said cheerily, straightening the bow tie around his neck and rubbing his hands together.

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Palmer looked the man up and down. "And you are?" He asked skeptically.

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A young woman approached the strange man. "Ghostbusters."

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The man nodded and glanced at the woman. "I'm the Doctor." He held up an item that looked like a mix between a wallet and a badge.

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"Doctor what?" Palmer asked once more, still skeptic.

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"If you like. And this is Clara." He gestured to the woman next to him, who gave a little wave and a smile. The two entered the house, and he ran over to the tables of equipment.

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Rubbing his hands together again, fiddling the equipment, he spoke. "Ah, but you are very different. You are Major Alec Palmer. Member of the Baker Street Irregulars, the Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare. Specialized in espionage, sabotage and reconnaissance behind enemy lines. You're a talented water-colorist, professor of psychology and ghost hunter. Total pleasure. Massive."

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I spoke up, eager to set things straight. "Actually, you're wrong. Professor Palmer spent most of the war as a POW."

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The man, the Doctor, turned and looked at me. "Actually, that's a like told by a very brave man involved in very secret operations. The type of man who keeps a Victoria Cross in a box in the attic, eh? But you know that, because you're Emma Grayling, the Professor's companion."

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I narrowed my eyes slightly. "Assistant."

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The Doctor laughed, he seemed to be having too much fun with this. "It's 1974. You're the assistant and non-objective equipment. Meaning psychic."

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The woman, Clara, laughed a little. "Getting that. Bless you, though."

Palmer turned and waved a hand in my direction. "Relax, Emma. He's Military Intelligence. So, what is all this in aid of?"

The Doctor continued fiddling with the equipment, as if questioning it all. "Health and safety. Yeah, the Ministry got wind of what's going on down here. Sent me to check that everything's in order."

Palmer stiffened. "They don't have the right."

"Don't worry, guv'nor, I'll be out of your hair in five minutes. Oh! Oh, look. Oh, lovely. The ACR 99821. Oh, bliss. Nice action on the toggle switches. You know, I do love a toggle switch. Actually, I like the word toggle. Nice noun. Excellent verb. Oi, don't mess with the settings." The Doctor pulled out a strange device and scanned some of the equipment.

Palmer cocked his head and pointed to the device. "What's that?"

"Gadget. Health and safety. Classified, I'm afraid. You know, while the back room boffins work out a few kinks." The Doctor continued scanning as Clara came up to his side.

"What's it telling you?" She asked.

"It's telling me that you haven't been exposed to any life-threatening transmundane emanations. So, where's the ghost? Show me the ghost. It's ghost time."

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P.O.V: The Doctor

I led the way with a three pronged candelabra. Candelabra. I liked that word.

"I will not have this stolen out from under me, do you understand." Palmer followed Clara and I, obviously not happy with the whole situation.

I didn't bother to turn around. "Er, no, not really, sorry."

He sighed angrily. "I will not have my work stolen, then be fobbed off with a pat on the back and a letter from the Queen. Never again. This is my house, Doctor, and it belongs to me."

The scenery in this house was magnificent! "This is actually your house?" Clara asked in wonderment. She must have been thinking the same thing.

"It is." He replied shortly.

"Sorry. You went to the bank and said, you know that gigantic old haunted house on the moors? The one the dossers are too scared to doss in? The one the birds are too scared to fly over? And then you said, I'd like to buy it, please, with my money." Clara went on. He didn't seem amused.

"Yes, I did, actually."

"That's incredibly brave." She said. She opened her mouth to say something else, but was stopped when something creaked.

I stopped walking and turned around. "Listen, Major, we just need to know what's going on here."

"For the Ministry." Palmer's eyebrows raised as he looked at me.

I sighed. "You know I can't answer that."

He seemed satisfied. "Very well, follow me."