(No Control - 21. Story Of My Life)
By the time we're ready to leave the restaurant a crowd of photographers has gathered outside.
I'm on a week off! I want to shout at them. Give me one evening's peace and quiet!
But instead I usher my mum outside and try not to glower at the paps, and we scurry back to my car, avoiding the shouted questions, requests for pictures and general hysteria. Once we're safely in the Range Rover I start the engine and turn to Mum.
"I'm sorry about that," I tell her. "I hope it didn't ruin the evening."
"Of course not," she smiles, putting her hand over mine on the gear stick. "It wasn't your fault."
"I know but I hate it when they hassle you," I grumble.
Sometimes I feel like shit for the whirlwind I brought to my family's door the day I auditioned for X Factor. They have never once complained, and that somehow makes it worse. I would hate for it to bother them privately, and them be too afraid to tell me.
"I'm quite capable of coping with it," she tells me firmly. "I am so proud of the way you handle it. You're always so polite to everyone, even though I know you get fed up with it sometimes. You don't know how it feels to see your boy, your child, doing so well and being so lovely. One day when you've got children of your own you'll understand."
Uh oh - she's getting emotional. That'll be the wine talking.
I squeeze her hand and we begin the drive back to Holmes Chapel. "Thanks for always being there," I say after a minute.
She sniffs and smiles at me, and nods. I know she understands. I don't know what I'd do without my family.
~~~~~~~~
When I come downstairs the following morning Gemma is eating breakfast in her pajamas at the kitchen table. My Little Pony pajamas.
"And you're worried about my mental age?" I remark as I shove some bread in the toaster and begin to make a cup of tea.
"No, I worry about the underage girls you like to seduce," she fires back.
"Oh my God, stop saying things like that!" I protest. "It only takes one person to make a throwaway comment in jest and there'll be a fucking story about it on Sugarscape, and I really will be arrested!"
Gemma laughs. "Relax, Harry. I know you're not into the barely-legals. And I've had enough experience of your celebrity lifestyle to know how it works by now, thank you."
"I know. I'm sorry," I sigh, and turn back to my toast.
"Are you alright?" she asks after a minute, and I turn around to see concern in her eyes.
I hesitate. I've already spoken to Mum about this, but it would be good to get Gemma's perspective, being my age and all, and a girl.
"You're a girl," I muse out loud.
"Yep," Gemma nods. "Thanks for noticing."
"OK, I need some advice."
She looks like she's biting back a sarcastic comment. "I'm listening."
"OK. Don't take the piss, though."
"Can't promise that. Kidding!" she adds hastily as I turn away again. "I promise I won't. Much. Go on, spill. I've been dying to ask you about this girl anyway, but Mum made me promise not to."
What the fuck?
"How do you know it's about her?"
"Please. Your face was a picture yesterday when you got that tweet. You look like you'd slept with a hanger in your mouth."
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"Don't try and pass off Friends jokes as your own," I chide her.
"10 points for getting that one!" she laughs. "So go on. Ask away, and I will advise." She pulls her mouth into a grimace, raises her eyebrows and bats her eyelashes at me.
I ignore her face, and tell her the whole story. When I'm finished she looks at me thoughtfully.
"So how do you feel at the idea of Nadine with somebody else?"
My stomach flutters lightly.
"Why? Is she with someone else?!" I ask quickly.
"Do you care if she is?"
I debate this for a moment. I'm not sure. The thought of it doesn't exactly make me happy, but it doesn't make me sick to my stomach the way I thought it would. It is inevitable that she will move on, I suppose. I want her to be happy, regardless of whether it is with me or not.
"I want her to be happy," I finally answer.
"How noble," Gemma remarks dryly.
"It's the truth!" I protest. "I thought that she would be happy with me, but obviously not. This is where the problem is - I just don't know how I feel about it."
"Do you want to cry about it?"
I wrinkle my nose. "No."
"Do you hate her for dumping you?"
"No."
"Do you want her back?"
"I don't know."
Gemma sighs. "OK, if Nadine called you right now and said, 'Harry I miss you and I want to work it out,' what would you say?"
"I'd probably say yes," I admit.
"So you're not over her," Gemma concludes. "And there's no point doing anything with the one night stand girl until you are."
"Her name is Jess," I tell her, feeling irked by the way Jess keeps getting referred to as a 'one night stand'. I know that's what she was, but I don't like the way it sounds. Like she's cheap or something. She definitely isn't cheap.
"Jess, then," Gemma corrects, picking up her phone and tapping the screen.
We are silent for a minute, and then Gemma says, "Her tweet doesn't give much away, does it?"
"Whose?"
"Jess's."
"What are you doing - don't look at her profile!" I exclaim, trying to snatch Gemma's phone away from her across the table, but she giggles and turns away. I lunge at her and she bends forward away from me, laughing.
"Oh no, I just followed her by accident!" Gemma laughs.
I feel the colour drain from my face. She has got to be kidding.
"What... are you fucking joking? You'd be better joking. If she sees... she's gonna think I've been talking about her to you... she's gonna think I'm a stalker. Oh God. Why did you fucking follow her?!" I rake my hands through my hair and look up at Gemma, panicking.
She's grinning at me. How can she find this funny?
"Why are you grinning like that? It's not funny! This is a disaster! Unfollow her, quick, before she notices!"
"God, Harry, I'm joking, lighten up. I didn't really follow her."
"Wha.... you didn't?"
My breathing is rapid and my heart is pounding. I stare at Gemma, searching her face. I can't tell if she's winding me up or not.
