I'm kinda a possessive person. I don't like being out of control. I want to held everything in my hand firmly, even feelings. I don't want my happiness or sadness being controlled or rather afraid. So it's hard for me even to be in normal relationship. I know not every different types of relationship cannot bring positive feelings. I also know that there may betrayal or even harm. Even the happiness is out of control, depends on others. I really hate that feeling of out of control. So I built walls that surround me. I'm polite or respectful each other ideals but indifferent. May be because of my personality. Sometimes, I think some relationships seem fake. They do unnecessary things or talk unreal things, give unfullfilled promises. Why bother... May be I need another person like me or someone totally different from me. I yearn for a person who can cover my insecurities for me, powerful enough, respectful enough, loves me enough.
