Captain Terrible Jokes and Puns

Everyone hates the thief except the thief.
As someone once said, an eye for an eye is a good way for making the whole world blind.
Recipe for bear stew: Step 1. Catch and kill bear.
Cake is a lie.
The frustrating thing about psychopaths is that you cannot predict them.
To quote an author, "It is one of life's bitterest truths that bedtime so often arrives just when things are getting interesting." and "No matter who you are, no matter where you live, and no matter how many people are chasing you, what you don't read is often as important as what you do read."