Finding Home (The Affair Series Book 3)

A Second Chance?

"We didn't mean to barge in here like this  but I drove down to your place in San Diego just hoping we could talk Stef." Fran said as calmly as possible as her, Lena and Debbie all sat around the tiny trailer kitchen table hoping to talk. Of course the older blonde could already sense the walls her niece had built around herself shielding herself from anything she was saying to her. Protecting herself which yes made Fran upset but she understood and knew the reason for her cold demeanor. Did she love her any less because of it? Not at all but she was just hoping she could break through to her in some way. In anyway really. " I didn't mean to force anything. Really not."

The younger blonde could only nod her head as Lena gently held her hand knowing and seeing how difficult this was for both women. It really was but she could also see how badly Fran wanted to connect with Stef, and wanted to explain more of what happened and how much she really did love her. Lena knew there was a good amount of misunderstanding going on especially in terms of how her girlfriend was feeling and she was hoping Stef would let Fran into her heart just a tiny bit. The odds were slim based ow how she was responding and avoiding her aunts eyes. In Lena's eyes it was almost like little Stef was sitting next to her wanting to know why her aunt didn't rescue her or try to look harder for her.  Stef wanted answers, real answers which Fran was willing to give but it wouldn't take away how much of the pain, and hurt she feeling for the last few decades.

"I was just hoping we could talk baby."

"Sure talk." Stef said rather coldly.

"I know you are angry. I know honey "

"I'm not angry. I don't feel anything to be honest."

Lena could only look at her girlfriend who was so stone cold she had no idea how Fran would get through to her as Debbie sat there holding Frans hand wondering the same thing.

"I'm sorry would you excuse the two of us for a second." Lena said to both women and grabbing Stef's hand as the younger blonde looked to her confused. "Come babe for a second."

"Why?"

"Because. Please. I just need to talk to you for a second." Seeing she had no choice Stef got up and walked into the back bedroom with the slim woman as Lena closed the door behind her. She was grateful Stef didn't make a scene and that Frankie took Jude out for a bit for this was much harder then they realized.

"What Lena? Why did you drag me in here?"

"Honey let me ask you something. Do you want a relationship with your aunt?"

"What?"

"Do you want a relationship with her?"

"I don't care. I've gone this far without one."

"That's not what I asked Stef. I asked if you want one with her. Because you need to talk about how angry you are, how upset and disappointed you are. Don't give me a non answer or her.But just here me for a second. Do you doubt she loved you?"

"What does it matter Lena?" The blonde asked letting out a sigh for she really didn't want to deal with this right now. Not at all.

"It does. You want Callie to forgive you yes?"

"This is different Lena. This is very different."

"No baby it's not different. It's not different at all. Callie is angry with you because she felt you didn't take care of her, that you didn't love her or care about her. Even when you did she didn't see it and she refuses to have a relationship with you right now even if you have begged her. Even if she has seen that you have changed. Yes I am hoping she gives you a chance and learns that you are sorry, that you always loved her despite how you treated her at times."

"I tried my absolute best with Callie. I always did. With her and Jude."

"I know that baby. And I never ever in a million years doubted that.  But do you doubt your aunt? Do you doubt or believe that she didn't try to find you? That she didn't try her hardest to look for you."

"I don't want to hear this." Stef said turning away and looking out the trailer window. "She was a cop! She had access to everything! Everything and you are telling me she couldn't find me!"

"Could you find Frankie? You are  cop could you find Frankie?"

"That is a low blow Lena! That is!"

"Stef it is not."

"I didn't look hard enough for Frankie ok? I didn't because I didn't want her to know her mother was a screw up!  If I really wanted to find her I could have and if my aunt wanted to find me like she said she did she could have! But she didn't want to! She didn't! I was too much work for her, I was a pain in the ass, I had issues and she didn't want to deal with that!"

"Stef that is what Sharon told you. You let her get into your head. That is not how your aunt felt."

"Stef I never felt that way." The blonde soon heard seeing Fran walk into the bedroom. "I know you think and feel that I didn't try my hardest but I did. I looked for your every single day of your life up until I got the letter stating that my sister died and it had your address on it. Up until that day honey. Never, did I ever stop. And I know you don't believe me but looking for you I was torn up. I drank myself sometimes to death based on pure guilt of what happened. I smoked myself to death, I almost lost my job because I hated myself for not finding you and know what life you were living with my sister.  It tore my insides up and you have no idea how sorry I am. Stef you were my world, me and Debbie's world and there was nothing more I wanted to do then adopt you. We both wanted to. You were never a pain in the ass, you were never trouble, or too much work. You gave me a reason to go on, to live and better myself." 

With tears falling down Lena's eyes as well as Stef's and Fran's it was so hard for the younger blonde to say anything. She didn't know what to do as she turned to the window again shoving her hands in her pockets. The air outside was warm, dusty and dry as she looked across at the trailer that Diane once lived in.  There were a few times she opened up about her aunt to her first love  and a handful of times she had cried in Diane's arms. But it never did any good because based on what she was told her aunt was dead and that was a pain that would never go away. To find out her aunt was alive and well all these years she couldn't help but feel betrayed, confused, disappointed and unsure. Yes she was happy she was alive but all that lost time she didn't know how to make up for it. She didn't know if she trusted her or any of it anymore. But her aunt would be disappointed in her, about who she had become and how she was such a horrible person. However did she hear Fran admit that she struggled with her own drinking issues? Could that even be possible?

"Maybe we can just start out slow honey. Maybe?" She heard her aunt say who gently touched her shoulder causing the younger blonde to flitch. "It's whatever you want. I just hope you give me a chance. Even a small one."

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You think Stef will give her a chance?