Naruto Fanfic Reviews

Naruto x Reverse Hypno Harem

Before I begin the interview, I want everyone to know I'm not a bully and that any negative critics I say are not to offend or hurt the author. We are only trying to help. I hope you enjoy and learn from this review and please for Kami sake remember you asked us to do this.

Naruto x Reverse Hypno Harem by Izaya_Shizu-chan

Reviewed by Crowillow

First Impressions

Like I have stated before I always look at the cover of a book before I decide to read it or not. This is also for the description and title as well. I know that if it sounds and looks good I usually read it right away. Remember your cover is the essence in what your story is going to be about without giving too much of the plot away. The better your cover looks the better readers feel you are putting your soul into the story. That being said, your cover is less than impressive. Please remember dear writer that this is my opinion and no one else's. Your cover is a tad blurry and grainy looking with the title of the story not even fitting on it. I suggest perhaps finding someone who runs a cover shop here on Wattpad.

Author's need for readers and readers need author's but it cannot happen if the story lacks a catchy title. Titles are the things that help capture the reader's attention and give a small insight into the story that the author has written. The significant thought goes into a title because like I've said before, a title is a picture that's worth a thousand words. That being said, your title is horrible and you need to change it because unfortunately, it gives away the plot of the story. Also, a reverse harem is when it's a girl being followed around by a bunch of boys/men who like her, this does not follow your plot at all. Some suggested titles to use if I was the author would be either Chaotic Love or Hypnotize Me.

Descriptions are the bane of every writer's existence because not only does it need to catch the reader's attention but also not give the full plot away. Trust me when I say I know the pain it is to create a catchy and good description. Your description needs to be reworked because it gives the plot right away and you're warning of the story seems a tad harsh to curious readers who stumble upon it.

Your Story's Plot

I find it fascinating that you had the bravery to write using Naruto as your main source of character and characterization. I always had this insane cowardice to not even touch Naruto with a ten-foot pole and use him as the main character.

What I have gathered from the plot, is that Naruto is more OP(overpowered) then he already is. I think it's sweet you decided to try and introduce a new kekkei Genkai(bloodline) into the Naruto world but I think it's rather lacking. You could have maybe described it a little better and give it a few weaknesses too. I'm also uncomfortable to the fact you've taken away the other characters free will and the fact they come to adore Naruto.

Plot-wise I feel you rushed it along rather fast, giving that Naruto begins using his new bloodline as if he never had to train with it before. I think also with him finally learning about his parents but getting over it rather fast is out of character even for him.

Your Story's Structure

I feel you need to describe things a lot better and that includes emotions that the characters go through. The reader needs, wants, and loves being able to connect to the characters because it makes them feel as if they are a part of the story too. When you change the scenery you don't use break lines and they are important to use so you don't confuse the reader because boy was I so lost and confused. XD I think you should also invest in a beta reader because your grammar is alright but could use a little more work. The chapters of the story are overall decent, not too short yet they could use an added length to them.

Final verdict on your story

While your story is not something I particularly would read I know there are many people who would. I think your story is acceptable and feel once you fix up the story others will flock to it in no time!

Final words from Crowillow

I know I probably came off rather rude or harsh but this is a review and the author consented to it. Also, please remember this is just my opinion and other readers or writers may not agree with me on it. A review is nothing but free advice sometimes taken and other times not okay. I'm hardly the perfect writer myself and I can guarantee you I'm learning something new about writing daily.

Cheers mate!

-Crow