Because my dad was hooked on drugs for a time in my life, he almost died from it, so I get where Philip is coming from in a sense. So this is basically what my girlfriend does for me, but with Philip and Lukas.
-
Philip didn't break down, it was unheard of as far as Lukas knows, so when they're hanging out one day and Philip just doesn't seem right, Lukas knows it's serious.
"Is something wrong?" Lukas asked, rubbing Philips hand with his thumb. It was a dumb question, they both knew that, but it was the only way that he could get Philip to talk about it.
Philip sighed, pulling his knees to his chest. "What if I end up like her?"
Lukas stared aren't Philip for a few seconds. It'd been months since her death, they were in school with good grades and everything was close to being normal. It was nice. He should've known it was too good to be true.
"That's so stupid." Lukas replied, wincing. Okay, that defiantly wasn't the right thing to say. He could see the walls Philip was building up around.
Philip nodded, taking a deep breath. "Yeah, you're right.." he leaned back against a tree, their tree, and closed his eyes.
"No, I'm not just.. it's dumb.. because like, dude.." he was silent.
Philip smiled a little. He always did when Lukas called him dude, he says it's weird, but they both know Philip doesn't mind.
"You always say no to drugs."
"Well, I did have a few D.A.R.E. classes.." Philip teased.
"I'm being serious, like, you don't show any interest in them, you deem disgusted by them, you didn't even help me get them.." Lukas rubbed the back of his neck, trying to figure out another way to make Philip smile. "And we both know you're madly in love with me."
"You wish." He scoffed, picking at the grass.
"I do.." Lukas mumbled, putting his arm around Philip. "But you're not like her.. not in that aspect anyway.."
Philip closed his eyes, pushing back against Lukas' touch. "I don't ever want to put you through that."
"You won't."
"How do you know?"
"Because you know what it causes, you know how it feels, you know it sick, you won't ever put me, or any of your friends or family through that, and as far as I'm concerned you're the only one that's worried about it."
Philip rolled over, burying his face in Lukas' chest. "How do you want me?"
"Well, I'd like to have you covered in chocolate, laying on my bed." Lukas grinned.
Philip punched his chest, glaring at him. "I'm serious, Lukas, how could you want me?
"You're asking me as if I'm not as fucked up as you."
"But wouldn't you want someone good and happy."
"Happiness is overrated."
"Lukas.."
"You're not your mom. You're not her drug abuse, you're not her neglect, you're not the shootings, and you're not the people you've lost. You aren't responsible for anything bad happening to you or the people around you." Lukas cupped Philips cheek, rubbing it with his thumb. "You're the best person I've ever met. You're forgiving and you're really fucking talented. Have you seen the pictures you've taken? It's like art, Philip, if I was some rich snobby old guy I'd want it hanging in my house."
Philip let out a small laugh, pressing closer to Lukas. "You mean it?"
"Oh yeah, definitely, your pictures are so nice."
"I mean.. everything else.."
"Yes, I mean everything else." He tilted Philips head up, wiping his eyes. "It's surpsing isn't it? I can be nice."
"Yeah, it's very shocking." Philip sniffled, hiding his face in Lukas' neck.
Lukas looked down at his lap, taking Philips hand, holding it and intertwining their fingers. "I'm still sorry."
"I know."
"I was a dick."
"And I've forgiven you." Philip pulled away, climbing into Lukas' lap. "Its okay, now."
Lukas looked down, nodding. "Sure."
"Lukas, I'm serious, I'm not upset about it anymore, I know you were scared.."
"Yeah."
"And we both had witnessed a triple homicide."
"Doesn't excuse what I did."
Philip sighed, leaning back. "You're right, it doesn't.."
Lukas looked up at Philip, panicking silently. He's over me, he thought, he's done, he hates me. Lukas looked down once more, taking a deep breath. Stay calm.
"You were a dick, but you've changed. You aren't your past, Lukas." A small smile graced Philips lips. "I promise."
Lukas nodded, biting his lip, pulling Philip into his chest by his belt loops. "Can we stay out here tonight?"
"Helen and Gabe.."
"Text them, we can order pizza, you're mine tonight." Lukas mumbled, nuzzling into his neck.
"If you think I'm camping you're dead wrong."
"I mean just.. sitting out here.. looking at the sky and shit."
"Do you think saying 'and shit' makes it less cheesy?"
"You're an asshole."
"And Lukas Waldenbeck is a romantic."
"Fuck off.."
Philip smiled, starting to stand up. "Fine."
Lukas wrapped his arms around Philips waist, pulling him back into his lap. "Don't go.."
Philip smiled, looking down at Lukas who was busy burying his face in his chest. He brought one hand up, running his fingers through Lukas' hair. "Okay, I'll stay."
