The Alpha's Shy Mate

50. Love Yourself

Jordan's POV

She's beautiful.

No artwork could vanquish her beauty. She had this rare type of natural beauty that didn't require makeup, or hair products or fancy clothes.

She was at her peak of beauty right here, sleeping in a hoodie and jeans, curled up across her bed, her mouth slightly ajar with small breaths escaping occasionally. I could stare at her all day, all year, for all eternity and never regret it. I'm falling, and I'm falling hard. Crashing to the earth.

I could never get my mind off Avery. She is always on my mind, I'm always thinking about her. I want to be with her all the time, every hour of every day.

I watch her move slightly, turning over a bit or just adjusting her position. Every time her body moves, I get hit with another wave of her scent, and I want nothing more than to lie down beside her and hold her close to me.

Too soon, I check my watch and it tells me that Avery has a class pretty soon. I bumped into Aubrey almost an hour ago and she gave me her key, telling me that I needed to wake up Avery as she fell asleep after her 2nd class and had another one soon. I think it was also an apology for barging in on us before but I'm grateful for any chance to spend more time with Avery.

I reach a shaky hand out and gently stroke her hair, something I've been wanting to do for a long time. It is even softer than I could've imagined and the loose curls tickle the tips of my fingers. I look back to Avery and see her smiling in her sleep and she looks so cute. Soon, her eyes crack open and I get to see those dark pools once again.
I can see right through them and I know that she feels embarrassed to have me near her as soon as she woke up. I would laugh at how ridiculous it is but she's serious. How could she ever feel bad about herself when she's so beautiful?

I end up getting to talk to her some more and I love to compliment her because she deserves to get told how gorgeous she really is. I walk Avery to her class because now I have memorised her timetable because I didn't want her to get lost again. As soon as she walks through the door, I feel longing towards her and I wish I could just barge into the class and hold her. Oh well, we don't always get what we want.

I'm glad I at least got to see her again, otherwise I would've been pacing in my room like an idiot until tomorrow. I go back to my room and that's what I do. Pace and pace and pace. I don't know what else to do. I need something to distract me. I go on my phone for a bit. Got bored. Tried some exercises. Lost interest. Then, my eyes notice that stupid book. I pick it up off the floor, slightly ashamed of the way I treated it that night now that I know how much Avery cares about them. The front cover reads 'To Kill A Mockingbird.' What kind of name is that? Is this just a rip off of the 'Hunger Games' series? I read the blurb and discover just how wrong I am.

It sounds interesting enough and soon I'm holding the delicate pages in between my fingers, letting my eyes follow the words of the story.

It's when I see that there's a sliver of light on my current page that I realise that it's late now. The brightness from the creeps through my still open curtains is the moon. Woah.

My page number is 107. How the hell did that happen? I look around as if I've entered a futuristic world my eyes darting all around the room. And it kind of is, seeing as I've just got pulled into a book. What? I firmly shut the book and leave my room, before any other radical events happen.

I go to the gym for about 2 hours to let off some steam before I'm lured back into my dorm by the book. This damn book! I just want to know what happens.

Just as I start reading again, there's a pull in the back of my mind. Avery. I guess all distractions can't last forever. I try to keep reading, but it's no use. It just makes my vision all blurred and I can't read anymore. I groan in irritation before kicking the side of my bed. My foot heats up from the impact but I ignore it, my mind too focussed on my mate.

Where the hell is Luke? Probably with his Aubrey-his mate. Fuck, why can't I? I sit on my bed, elbows on my knees, head in my hands and try to breath in deeply. It's no use. A burning feeling sparks in my brain, as if someones started a fire up there. I drink some water but it only makes it worse. Lying on my back, I think of the feeling of Avery's locks around my fingers.

Soon, my eyes shut, but it's just as unpleasant as when they're open. It's like what I would imagine a hangover for humans but a lot worse because I'm restraining myself from curing it. I know that if I go find Avery and hold her and kiss her, I will be better, but I can't just keep a leash on her like that. She needs to have private time as well.

As I slowly fall asleep, I start having bad thoughts about loosing Avery. I don't know what I'd do if someone took her away from me. Well, I do, I would hunt them down, snap their sorry neck and find my sweet mate. If someone tried to hurt her, I would defend her straight away. I would rather get 100 blows than see anyone as much as touch my mate. Even worse, what if she ran away? The idea has crossed my mind, but I always try to ignore it. I know that she has to have some kind of feeling towards me and I can sense and see it when I'm around her. It's still hard to think that she might not care about me because she doesn't love herself as much as I do. I hate it so much when I see that she is embarrassed, ashamed or self-conscious around me about herself because I love her so much, flaws and all.

I end up getting a few hours of interrupted sleep when I keep on waking up, feeling like there's something wrong but I reassure myself and go back to sleep. But there is something wrong. Without my mate next to me, everything is wrong. 

So, here's another chapter :) Hope you enjoy it, sorry if it kind of seems a bit repetitive, like they have struggle sleeping and then hang out with eachother during the day. Sorry about that, but I've got some stuff planned for the future! 

Thank you for reading!!

Rebelllama