The Rogue Guardian

Chapter 19: Control

"First of all I need to know why you left."

I shrugged. Now that I was reasonably sure my life wasn't in danger, this interrogation would probably just be rather tedious. It may have some ugly consequences, but there wasn't much I could do about that. Lying probably wouldn't help at this point. "Aiden had some opinions I didn't agree with."

"And this was a problem because?"

"His opinions were stupid."

Ysmay was not amused. "I am hardly the most enthusiastic supporter of Aiden Amathos, but I am sure that whatever opinions he was espousing were the opinions of the entire Phoenix. Which means they're my opinions as well, so watch your tongue."

Her apparent dislike of Aiden was interesting. I filed that away for later. More imminent, though, was her apparent dislike of me, and I winced. I got the feeling that so far she saw me as immature, and my comments weren't helping. With a sigh, I reminded myself this wasn't a joke, and humor probably wasn't a good coping strategy. God, I wished I were back where I knew my place and who I was talking to. I was beginning to learn that secrets and plotting weren't nearly as fun as they used to seem.

"Look, I'm on the side of revolution. I just decided that your kind of revolution didn't match up with my kind. I tried to talk to Aiden about it, but he wasn't willing to change plans." I leaned closer over the table. "I just wanted to do what seemed right."

She exchanged a glance with Evvie over my head but it was hard to tell what she was thinking. "And going over to the opposite side was your way of doing this?"

"I wasn't going to the opposite side," I objected. "I was creating my own side. Middle ground."

"How do I know that's true?"

"I'm not stupid enough to lie to you." Actually, I wasn't sure that was true, but I had chosen telling the truth as my strategy tonight. We'd see how that plan held up.

"I'm not worried about you lying on purpose." She made a mark on the paper in front of her, ignoring my stare.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You're a Guardian, serving the Heir is in your blood."

"I wasn't serving Magali! I mean, I was, but it had a purpose."

She made a noncommittal sound and studied my face in a way that made me want to squirm. "And when did you make this decision to join her?"

"After I got to know her a bit."

Another mark on her paper. Combined with her questions and unnerving gaze, I was starting to feel like a patient at the healer's. Something heavy settled at the bottom of my stomach, the same way I'd felt as a little girl knowing I was about to be told I had a fever or needed to eat more vegetables.

"Would you say this was a strong feeling, the desire to help her?"

"Cut that out," I said, unnerved.

"So that's a yes?"

"No, I just want you to stop acting like there's something wrong with me."

"Answer the question, Laerhart."

That didn't help. "It wasn't like that. I just began to realize that she wasn't as bad as I thought and might actually like to make some changes in Solangia if she knew what was going on. So I made a new plan so she wouldn't have to die. There's nothing wrong with that."

Another noncommittal sound. She seemed to be avoiding condemning or condoning my actions, but I was clearly being judged nonetheless. I didn't enjoy the feeling at all.