The Art of the Heart

Good Feeling

Soundcheck had passed uneventfully, with Stevie blustering in with Mick by her side, sharing a few jokes with the sound engineer and technical guys, then basically disappearing again. Lindsey had tried to nail her by asking if they could sing a bit of Landslide so he could try something with the chorus. You could have knocked him over with a feather when she agreed, sang it perfectly, then turned to him and said, "Sounds great, Lindsey. I like what you're thinking there," in a totally neutral tone, before wandering off.

She hadn't wanted to risk getting upset and losing it before the concert, where she knew she had to just pretend it was an absolutely normal day, so it wasn't until nearly one in the morning that she sat down in her hotel room to look at what Lindsey had pressed into her hands desperately as they had crossed paths in the hallway outside her room in the late afternoon. He had said nothing but she reflexively looked up into his eyes and her heart thudded when she saw the anguish in them.

Opening the plain, brown-paper-wrapped package, she slid out a cd, a note and a jewellery box. The note, which she looked at first said

Look here, woman. Do as I say, for once, and listen to these two songs. Listen to the first track on the cd, then open the box. Listen to the second track on the cd and know that this is how I feel, right now. I have fuck all to thank Gordon Gano for, but this time, he got it right.

She was certainly intrigued. Lindsey was kinda a Violent Femmes guy but he did find their musical style somewhat simplistic. Surely he hadn't made her a cd with Add It Up or Blister In The Sun?! Also, he must have known it was a calculated risk addressing her like that. He knew she loved it when he was most like he had been at the very start of the 70s - always goofing around, pretending to be macho and ordering her around like an obedient wife. He still sometimes did it to cheer her up; he knew she couldn't help but smile and feel warmed by memories of their happiness. It could easily have pissed her off today, though. Looks like Liddy Buck's grown some balls, she thought, smiling to herself.

Plugging her headphones into her laptop, she closed her eyes and waited for the first song.....Heart of Gold by Neil Young. He really was trying to pull on her heartstrings and it was working. It didn't take much listening to those lyrics to know he meant her to imagine him as the persona. Also, he was desperately trying to force her to remember 1973. I mean, Jesus! He even managed to get Neil on the blower to talk me into listening to this!

She reached out and opened the box. In it was a beautiful, intricately engraved gold heart on a chain. Picking it up and turning it over in her hands she realised it was a locket. Inside, on the right was a tiny photo of the two of them, looking tired and thin, but happy. She knew immediately where and when it was from: The Topanga Corral, August 11, 1973. On the left, was a piece of paper on which he had written, in tiny, tiny script, Always and Forever.

Unprepared to deal with thinking about it just yet, she pushed Topanga out of her mind and wiped her tears away, then pushed PLAY.

Good feeling, won't you stay with me just a little longer?
It always seems like you're leaving
When I need you here just a little longer

Dear lady, there's so many things I've come to fear
Little voice says I'm going crazy
To see all my worlds disappear

As the mournful, regret-laden lyrics continued she realised she couldn't keep up the pretence any longer. Closing her eyes, she allowed her mind to settle on Topanga.