The Kiss (Exo Kai fanfic)

Scratches

I spend my first few days with Taemin feeling lost. The other SHINee members try and talk to me but I ignore them, I want to speak to them but I just feel like I can't. How can I be happy without him? I feel stupid thinking about this because it was only a few weeks ago that we met, but we just clicked. After a few more days I come downstairs, I know it's time to start getting over this. "Taemin" I say quietly but he hears me. "Clara, I'm so happy you're here. Do... Do you want something to eat now?" He asks and touches my arm slightly before pulling his hand away. "No thank you" I say and sit down next to Key. He turns the TV on but then switches it off quickly, "what is it?" I ask and take the remote off him. "No!" He says but it's too late. "So now apparently she's dating Taemin! Obviously Kai must be very upset, she dumped him and went with his best friend!" The women on the chat show laughs. Why is she laughing? Because it doesn't seem funny to me. "Clara turn this off" Minho lunges for the remote but I push him away harshly, my eyes are transfixed on the TV, I hear and see and feel nothing else. "If you ask me, I think she just wants some fame! Apparently she's even attempted to release pictures of her and Kai in bed, but Kai said no! She's just so desperate for attention. Frankly she's acting like a bit of a... How do I put this nicely?....." The women chuckles at her own sentence and my fist clenches. "Slut?" One of the guys whispers and then quickly covers his mouth with fake apology. The audience all nod in agreement and I dig my nails into my leg. "Clara" Taemin says, coming towards me. My nails dig deeper and deeper and I start to feel blood running out of the dents and cuts I have made. "Clara stop" he tries to pull at my hand but it doesn't budge. "Clara" he shouts and pulls hard at my arm, quickly removing my hand from my leg. I take my eyes away from the TV and slowly look down at my blood stained legs, I cover my mouth in shock from what I've done to myself. Tears escape from my eyes and Taemin pulls me into a hug. The blood from my nails stains the back of his tshirt but he doesn't seem to mind. I cry into his shoulder while Taemin whispers words of comfort into my ear, "you'll be okay Clara" he says, but he doesn't sound sure.

I sit in Taemin's room for a couple of hours, staring blankly at the wall and constantly checking my phone. I read all of the hate messages that are sent to me, making a deep scratch on my leg for every one. The scratches collect like a tally but eventually I run out of space.

I come down stairs for dinner, they're all smiling but their faces suddenly change when they see my legs. "Clara why did you..." Taemin begins to ask me softly. "I didn't mean to. It just happened." I whisper before sitting down at the table. I try to eat but everything tastes plain- I can only think about Kai, and the messages people were sending me, and that reporter. No one knows what to say to me so they don't say anything, and I'm grateful for that. I go to sleep early but I don't get any sleep as usual. I continue to check my phone and tally it up- making marks on my arms and then my face.

When I come down in the morning Taemin immediately runs to me and I fall into his arms. "The scratches" he cries but I don't cry with him. I feel nothing. The world hates me, so I will hate the world. This life hates me, so I will hate it back- it doesn't need me, and I don't need it.