It’s not a bad story idea. It’s actually really good. However, if you want people to actually be more interested in reading, I kindly suggest you change your writing style. I love me some NamJin so I had to over look the fact that everything is basically one big paragraph. Reading with no brakes in between is very tiring and can get confusing at times. Maybe most of your readers are just a bit tired of having to overlook that writing style, you know? I suggest you try to adjust your style to fit the correct way a story is meant to be written. Separate each paragraph in groups of 3-7 sentences and give dialogue its own space. I read a comment where you said “that’s how I write sorry not sorry” and to be quite honest with you, that kind of communication with your readers isn’t going to help you, if anything it’s going to push people away because it’s going to make you seem like you don’t care for their opinion or their kind creative criticism. In order for one to improve as an author, you have to be open minded to your reader’s suggestions. We’re going to get criticism from all sides: negative and positive. We just have to learn how to work with it. Ignore the criticism that isn’t helpful like someone telling you that you’re writing style sucks, and try to work with criticism that’s meant to help you improve like someone advising you and letting you know what readers look for and how you could possibly work with it. Being a good writer isn’t just writing something and posting it, it’s also listening to your readers and what they want. Please don’t take this in the wrong, I’m only trying to be helpful. I wish you the best with your stories and also, I wanted to let you know that you do have a very good writing style (leaving out the structure of your paragraphs). It feels a bit mature in a way but then the flow gets interrupted by a certain phrase or even word. Maybe go back and read it out loud and see if you like how your stories sound.
