it's always going to be him. no matter what i know you're going to pick him above me. and that's okay. because i know you could love me with all of your heart but it would still beat for him. you're in love with him. the moment i told you what he did, you were speechless. all the veins in your body went numb. you kept telling me you couldn't believe what had happened. you kept telling me how much you loved him and how beautiful your relationship with him was. and i kept listening. that moment right there, is when i fell for you. and i knew it wasn't a good idea but i did it anyway. i saw how genuine your love and adoration for him was and i couldn't help but wish it was for me. i saw how madly in love with him you were. somewhere within me, i knew, even after all that he'd done, you'd pick him. he could wreck the world and yet be innocent in your eyes. that's what love makes you do. you view the world with rose - tinted glasses. a part of me yearns for you to love me the way you do him, to feel the burning touch on my aching skin, to be assured that you're mine and you will be. and i've tried. i've swimmed in the depths of the cold ocean to quench my thirst. i've been to hell and back in hopes of losing memory of you. but none of them worked. it's hard to let go of you. everytime i talk to you, that part of me dies to talk to you, to be able to see a glimpse of you. i fight a war within everytime i talk to you. and you'd never know. perhaps you do. but there's nothing you can do but feel sympathy for me. perhaps this is what it feels like to love someone from afar. but so be it. i knew what i was getting myself into. the sacrifice of heartbreak was worth it. i was brave enough to accept the way i feel for you even though i know it'll never be reciprocated. and atleast i got to be friends with you in this lifetime.
