verrydumbstupid

I'm not dead. Just slow.

verrydumbstupid

I’m writing this now because I know that I won’t be able to do it with my emotions being all over the place.
          
          ...
          
          So as you know jonghyun from shinee, on December 18 of last year took his own life  and I must say it’s be awful without him in my life.
          
          honestly I remember first learning about his death and feeling so empty inside when I found out it was real I didn’t realize it was real until a few days later when I knew it was happening sometimes I go back and look at how I felt when that happen and I was so depressed. I felt like his smile..his laugh as they were playing in my dreams...
          
          feeling like I had nothing else in my life left for myself. At some point in my life, I wished that I was the one who die because he didn’t deserve to end all like this he didn’t deserve to feel the way he felt I remember reading his letter and having such a hard time processing everything. At this point I realized that I want to cherish everything I go through. 
          
          I want to live my life to the fullest knowing that my angel jonghyun is looking down at me and everyone who had ever experienced the love that shinee gave them and smiling. 
          
          So I determined not to be sad as that is not what he would want us to be but look back at our favorite moments in his life. his jokes, his fantastic dancing, and amazing vocals. He would want us to give support to the other members that are having a hard time going threw this too. He would want us to support each other...
          
          Although he never knew me personally and probably never knew I stan shinee, I felt like I knew him and what kind of person he was and how he would make he happy throughout my days. I’m so proud of him for everything he has done in his life. 
          
          .....
          
          Jonghyun, I love you and your the love of my life...I hope you are doing better now because your happiness means everything to me. Jonghyun my sweet angel...thank you. 
          
          I Love you.