soosassss
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I.
"Just... no pain." I kind of already knew that.
When she said she was okay with kisses, I felt
relieved... but it wasn't like I never had sex without
kissing. I already did it before. What was important to me was the things they wanted. I was the one hard to please.. but as long as they would agree not to
commit, I could go for it.
When the door made an unlocking sound after
tapping the card, I pulled her with me and kissed her
lips. She tasted like cherries for fuck's sake. Was that
her lipstick?
"Ciandrei"
"What?"
"Ciandrei Kyle. That's my name... But you can call me
Shan."
After going inside, I let the lights off and just removed my necktie. Both of us were like wild animals out of the cage. We were thirsty for each other. We ached to touch.
"Stop, no, don't," I told her.
It was also one of the things I wanted to be clear on before doing it with anyone... Unless we talked about a safe word. "As soon as I hear those words, I will stop."
"Shut up. Just do it."
That made me smile. How fierce. I ended up telling
her my name before we continued, but it looked like
she was too out of it to remember. I removed her
clothes and carried her to the sofa. We were so thirsty we couldn't even reach the bed.
"You know, you will regret this tomorrow," I told her
while opening a pack of condom.
"Tomorrow pa 'yon," she said, which made me laugh
through our kisses. I found her ridiculously amusing
and funny.
"This might hurt," I told her before putting a finger
inside her to check if she was lubricated enough. She
really was so I didn't need to put extra lube. I just
didn't want to hurt her in any way. She said she
wanted no pain.
soosassss
II.
"Why? Is it that big? I refuse to believe." Kahit
madilim, alam kong inirapan niya ako. Nakahiga lang
siya roon at hindi tumitingin sa akin.
"Take a look at it so you would know if you can take
it. You can still back out," I told her, still holding the
pack. Hindi ko pa nilalagay.
She carried her upper body up by leaning on her
elbows to take a look. The dim light from the lamp
made my body visible to her. I saw how her eyes
widened and almost choked out of shock. I slowly
nodded and was about to get dressed again but she
suddenly held my arm and pulled me back.
"I can do it," sabi niya sa akin."Just... do it." I
wondered why she was so persistent about it. Did she want to forget about it?
She knew she could never forget. She knew that
before making a decision, that the next day, she
would just be reminded of it again, but she still tried
for it to work. Maybe it would distract her for a
moment, or maybe... she would feel brave because
she could finally be around someone else without
thinking of the man that scared her. I wasn't in the
place to judge how she coped so I did not question it
anymore.
We did it so many times in different areas, in different positions. It was only hard the first time but she got used to it. When I felt that she was already getting tired, I stopped and let her sleep.
I even carried her to the bathroom so she could wash
herself before sleeping. She was too tired to even put
her clothes on so I did it for her.
Ctto
