shaddowws

I was walking to my car when I noticed my pants were on fire. I turned to my friend and said, "I think were going to need an oven and fast." 
He grabbed me with his soggy fingers and said.. "Snap out of it, Man." 
Then he proceeded to chant and walk in circles around me. 
I looked down, My pants were still on fire, but by this time it had spread to my Uterus and three other ligaments. I was getting pretty agitated that no one seemed to care about my third degree burns, or my soon imminent death, but I went along with his plan still hoping he'd manage to save me through his voo-doo witchcraft. 
After I came out of my trance from the fire I noticed that I was now in the kitchen of my grandma's house baking a cake.. 
I Screamed "WHAT THE F***?" 
My Grandma ran in and slapped the s*** outta me for cursing. 
Then she proceeded to say, "I swear if you talk like that 5 more times, I'll beat the living s*** outta you." 
I was quite confused as to what was going on and what I did to deserve this true life mad lib. I just stood there in silence with a look of uttermost confusion.. and I starred at the women who had once been a kind sweet old lady, who wouldn't even kill a baby piglet, now turned into this vicious beast of a monster with veins protruding from her neck like a porcupines quills on a midsummer day. 
She gasped, and then with the blink of an eye turned back into the sweet old lady I had once known. 
"Would you like some cookies, dear?" 
"Ummm Yes, grandma." 
As she went to retrieve the cookies, I was planning my escape.. Looking around pondering what unimaginable thing would happen next if I stayed. As my grandma neared the corner with her plate of cookies, I ran to the door as fast as my burning legs would take me. 
As I made my silent escape I heard grandma yell, "You forgot your cookies dear" 
Little did she know I didn't give a s*** about those cookies. As I ran I thought about my previous life and how this whole day had been more interesting than my Whole ent