RobbyBlue

I've been reading What comes next and so far I like the faced paced way of writing. I like the way Peyton handles things and the way it's written gives it an edge. Adds humor to it as well. 
          I m writing a story that handles some of the same topics (basketbal, falling in love for a teammate) and I would love some feedback on to make it better.
          Its called Hoops

RobbyBlue

@radiantbookworm Sorry last post. I've taken down the story for the moment as I really want to do something with the feedback you've given me. I want to rewrite some things and do the story justice. I really like my charachters and how they evolve. Summer and Alex falling in love at some point was not something I expected when I started writing the story as well. It grew on me as a possibilty. So maybe I need to plant some more seeds in there as well. Once I've rewritten some of the first chapters I'll repost it. Thank you again.
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RobbyBlue

@ radiantbookworm  the basketball scenes aren't accurate? My daughter plays over here in Belgium in the u14 competition so I kind of went from there. So maybe in the us somethings are different?
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RobbyBlue

@ radiantbookworm  I'm not sure I replied correctly.  So again your feedback is very much appreciated. You've given me a lot to think about and work on. Thank you for going in depth. It shows you really took your time.  I was told I had pacing issues with the first story I wrote as well. So that's really something I need to figure out. I do think I let the story breath some more in later chapters where the relationship begins to evolve.
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Marina556803

Hi author just wanted to tell you that I’ve finished Saylor and Ellis story and I genuinely need a minute to recover. It was like so well written. I’ve been like transported in another world. They’ll always be my favorites even if I’m gonna read all your stories. I really liked the way you explain all the life aspects and I really hope to find something with this type of connection. This book is one of my favorite and I already miss them like so much. Just wanted to thank you for writing these stories and I hope (don’t doubt) that the rest of the sorties will be as good as this one. 🤍

JaniyahWoods0

Would you write a story about a figure skater and a hockey player?

JaniyahWoods0

@JaniyahWoods0 yeah, it would be
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radiantbookworm

If that is something you’re interested in reading then yes I definitely would! I don’t know much about figure skating but I will definitely do some research about it!
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ZeshaWrites

Hey!  Please check out my story on Wattpad. I’d love to know your thoughts about it. Your support means a lot! 💕
          https://www.wattpad.com/story/417887791?utm_source=android&utm_medium=link&utm_content=share_writing&wp_page=create&wp_uname=ZeshaWrites

radiantbookworm

Another thing I would suggest is giving readers more background information about the characters and the overall storyline. I want to understand who these characters are, what their lives are like, what they’ve experienced, and why they behave or feel the way they do. For example, Feeya clearly has strong feelings for Miss Reen, but I would love more insight into how those feelings developed and what makes their interactions so meaningful to her. I’m also curious about Rika and Prishi and their roles in the story.
            
            I think adding more internal thoughts, descriptions, and buildup to important moments would make a huge difference. Sometimes it feels like we’re reading a summary of events rather than actually experiencing those moments alongside the characters.
            
            Overall, I think the foundation is there! I just think the story would benefit from more depth, longer and more meaningful conversations, stronger character development, and smoother transitions. I don’t necessarily think you need more events happening, but rather more development of the events that are already happening. I think that would make the story easier to follow and allow readers to become more emotionally invested in the characters and their relationships!
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radiantbookworm

Okay, so I’ve read Chapters 1–7 so far! I really like the direction you’re taking the story, and I think it has a lot of potential! My biggest suggestion would be to slow the pacing down and go more in depth with the storytelling. I feel like certain scenes move so quickly that, as a reader, you don’t really get the chance to understand or process what’s happening before the story moves on to something else. Sometimes the transitions can be a little confusing too, especially when new characters or situations are introduced without much background or explanation.
            
            I would also love to see a lot more dialogue and interactions between the characters. I think conversations are such an important part of storytelling because they allow readers to understand the characters’ personalities, emotions, and relationships. Right now, some of the conversations feel a little short, and I think expanding them would make the story feel more natural instead of just telling us what happened.
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