quietEcstasy

But that's one part of the story. Another reason why I have not been very active on Wattpad is because I'm just not confident in my writing anymore. I see all these wonderful writers in my book clubs and everywhere else and I just think, consciously and unconsciously, “I'll never be like them.” And that's a terrible mindset! Some people could argue that I’d never make it if I think like that. Maybe they're right, and maybe they're wrong. I don't know. If I'm going to be honest; I'm a petty person who gets jealous. When I hear about other people’s fortunes, I can't bring myself to be happy as I'm reminded of my own failures. It's a truly terrible thing, and I'm so sorry that friends who have had wonderful successes have to deal with that. 
          	
          	In terms of what is going to happen to my books; I might be planning on discontinuing all of them. I've read online how publishing online makes it harder to traditionally publish (unless you get really famous which, let's face it, won't happen to me). Since that is my end goal (especially for Exorsus which I am rewriting on the side) I decided this would probably be for the best. Chuntian is the only one where I'm hesitant to state that, but we’ll see. 
          	
          	Thank you for reading this terribly long rant about how petty I am (basically) and I'm so sorry to people who wanted to read my books. 
          	
          	Sincerely, 
          	
          	Shania

onceoceanbreeze

@quietEcstasy 
          	  
          	  Hey Quiet,
          	  
          	  I appreciate that you told us this and that I was included in being able to read it. Sorry I couldn't get to it earlier, school sucks that way just like I'm sure you can relate to. I just want you to know that I completely understand and I absolutely love your books. I understand your decision to stop since I also started to feel the same way you did and this is the reason why I am less active as well. The most important thing I want you to know that you are really amazing and your books are great. You're also an amazing friend and so supportive it's just amazing. I'm so glad that I got to discover and love your books. I completely support you and your decision. Just know that if you decide to come back and continue your books i'll be one of the first people to jump right on it. Your passion is always evident in your words and I think you should go ahead and do what you think you should do! :D It's completely normal to be scared about what will happen next and I just want you to know that I will always love your books and they will always be one of my favourites. It was so brave of you to tell us your raw feelings here and the fact that you did means a lot to me. 
          	  
          	  Don't forget! Anytime you want to chat i'm here!
• Reply

paulapdx

@quietEcstasy - Another reality check. I just got done consoling a very popular writer here on WP who just learned that her traditional publisher will not be printing the third book in her trilogy, except as an ebook. She's crushed. I say this just to emphasize that you shouldn't glamorize the publishing industry. Getting published is just the start of the journey and for many who do, success is still elusive. I'm not saying this to crush your dreams, at all, just to let you know that there is a good and bad side to everything. If being an editor or being published is something you really want, YOU CAN DO IT. You just have to be willing to take the ups and downs and plow through the heartbreak that inevitably comes, at some point, when chasing your dreams. 
          	  
          	  If I could suggest anything, it would be to find that one story that you absolutely love--you love the story, you love the characters and you love the world you're building--and focus just on that. I love writing The Otherworlders so much, and because of that, I find happiness in the one hour every few days I get to work on it. I can still smile when I post and don't get the reader responses I'd hoped for. I can turn to it when I'm just too overwhelmed or tired to deal with the world. Success, or more accurately, the veneer of success doesn't keep you from having to deal with frustrations and disappointments. But if you're working on something you love, there's just an inherent satisfaction from being able to bring that story to life that can really get you through the inevitable tough times. 
          	  
          	  If you want or need to talk, please PM me. I mean it. Like I said, I've felt some of what you're feeling and I'm happy to set aside time to chat. :-)
• Reply

paulapdx

@quietEcstasy - Hey Shania - Okay this is going to be a long one, so I might have to post in parts. :-) I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. But, girl, I feel the same way as you, more often then I'd like to admit. You're not alone. Competition and comparison are a way of life. MAYBE if you're J.K. Rowling, or Steven Spielberg, or Beyonce, you don't have to worry about the rungs of people above you who seem to be killing it and make you doubt your own chances of success. But I suspect, even those three have battled bouts of envy. No matter who you are or how "successful" you feel, we all still seem to feel a bit "less than" when we look at the people around us.
          	  
          	  But that's why competition and comparison are such destructive forces that, in a world that gets more competitive every day, we have to find a way to conquer...or at least deal with.
          	  
          	  True story. Once, when I lived in LA, I had no plans for the summer. I was going to work and hang out with my friends. Until I learned that 3 of these friends were going to be gone for the entire summer! One had found backers for her short film so she was moving back to NY to shoot it; one had gotten accepted to a screenwriting program in France; and one had just met a very rich older man who wanted to take her with him, on his private plane, to Asia where he had to do business for the summer. Needless to say, I spent the whole summer depressed and feeling like a loser. Imagine my surprise when I caught up with my friends only to learn that Friend #1's movie fell apart because the financial backers pulled out the day before shooting was to begin. Friend #2 found out the program she got into was a scam and lost $3000 and had to come home early because she couldn't afford to stay in France. And Friend #3 quickly discovered that Mr. Money Bags was controlling and emotionally abusive and she couldn't get away from him fast enough. It was a HUGE lesson for me about just how dangerous the whole "grass is greener" syndrome really is.
• Reply

quietEcstasy

But that's one part of the story. Another reason why I have not been very active on Wattpad is because I'm just not confident in my writing anymore. I see all these wonderful writers in my book clubs and everywhere else and I just think, consciously and unconsciously, “I'll never be like them.” And that's a terrible mindset! Some people could argue that I’d never make it if I think like that. Maybe they're right, and maybe they're wrong. I don't know. If I'm going to be honest; I'm a petty person who gets jealous. When I hear about other people’s fortunes, I can't bring myself to be happy as I'm reminded of my own failures. It's a truly terrible thing, and I'm so sorry that friends who have had wonderful successes have to deal with that. 
          
          In terms of what is going to happen to my books; I might be planning on discontinuing all of them. I've read online how publishing online makes it harder to traditionally publish (unless you get really famous which, let's face it, won't happen to me). Since that is my end goal (especially for Exorsus which I am rewriting on the side) I decided this would probably be for the best. Chuntian is the only one where I'm hesitant to state that, but we’ll see. 
          
          Thank you for reading this terribly long rant about how petty I am (basically) and I'm so sorry to people who wanted to read my books. 
          
          Sincerely, 
          
          Shania

onceoceanbreeze

@quietEcstasy 
            
            Hey Quiet,
            
            I appreciate that you told us this and that I was included in being able to read it. Sorry I couldn't get to it earlier, school sucks that way just like I'm sure you can relate to. I just want you to know that I completely understand and I absolutely love your books. I understand your decision to stop since I also started to feel the same way you did and this is the reason why I am less active as well. The most important thing I want you to know that you are really amazing and your books are great. You're also an amazing friend and so supportive it's just amazing. I'm so glad that I got to discover and love your books. I completely support you and your decision. Just know that if you decide to come back and continue your books i'll be one of the first people to jump right on it. Your passion is always evident in your words and I think you should go ahead and do what you think you should do! :D It's completely normal to be scared about what will happen next and I just want you to know that I will always love your books and they will always be one of my favourites. It was so brave of you to tell us your raw feelings here and the fact that you did means a lot to me. 
            
            Don't forget! Anytime you want to chat i'm here!
• Reply

paulapdx

@quietEcstasy - Another reality check. I just got done consoling a very popular writer here on WP who just learned that her traditional publisher will not be printing the third book in her trilogy, except as an ebook. She's crushed. I say this just to emphasize that you shouldn't glamorize the publishing industry. Getting published is just the start of the journey and for many who do, success is still elusive. I'm not saying this to crush your dreams, at all, just to let you know that there is a good and bad side to everything. If being an editor or being published is something you really want, YOU CAN DO IT. You just have to be willing to take the ups and downs and plow through the heartbreak that inevitably comes, at some point, when chasing your dreams. 
            
            If I could suggest anything, it would be to find that one story that you absolutely love--you love the story, you love the characters and you love the world you're building--and focus just on that. I love writing The Otherworlders so much, and because of that, I find happiness in the one hour every few days I get to work on it. I can still smile when I post and don't get the reader responses I'd hoped for. I can turn to it when I'm just too overwhelmed or tired to deal with the world. Success, or more accurately, the veneer of success doesn't keep you from having to deal with frustrations and disappointments. But if you're working on something you love, there's just an inherent satisfaction from being able to bring that story to life that can really get you through the inevitable tough times. 
            
            If you want or need to talk, please PM me. I mean it. Like I said, I've felt some of what you're feeling and I'm happy to set aside time to chat. :-)
• Reply

paulapdx

@quietEcstasy - Hey Shania - Okay this is going to be a long one, so I might have to post in parts. :-) I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. But, girl, I feel the same way as you, more often then I'd like to admit. You're not alone. Competition and comparison are a way of life. MAYBE if you're J.K. Rowling, or Steven Spielberg, or Beyonce, you don't have to worry about the rungs of people above you who seem to be killing it and make you doubt your own chances of success. But I suspect, even those three have battled bouts of envy. No matter who you are or how "successful" you feel, we all still seem to feel a bit "less than" when we look at the people around us.
            
            But that's why competition and comparison are such destructive forces that, in a world that gets more competitive every day, we have to find a way to conquer...or at least deal with.
            
            True story. Once, when I lived in LA, I had no plans for the summer. I was going to work and hang out with my friends. Until I learned that 3 of these friends were going to be gone for the entire summer! One had found backers for her short film so she was moving back to NY to shoot it; one had gotten accepted to a screenwriting program in France; and one had just met a very rich older man who wanted to take her with him, on his private plane, to Asia where he had to do business for the summer. Needless to say, I spent the whole summer depressed and feeling like a loser. Imagine my surprise when I caught up with my friends only to learn that Friend #1's movie fell apart because the financial backers pulled out the day before shooting was to begin. Friend #2 found out the program she got into was a scam and lost $3000 and had to come home early because she couldn't afford to stay in France. And Friend #3 quickly discovered that Mr. Money Bags was controlling and emotionally abusive and she couldn't get away from him fast enough. It was a HUGE lesson for me about just how dangerous the whole "grass is greener" syndrome really is.
• Reply

quietEcstasy

Alright, time for a lengthy apology to everyone who reads my books, my fellow book club members and the admins, and to my friends here on Wattpad. As you have seen, I have not been active at all, and it's because of life. This entire post is basically about my insecurities coming to bite me. 
          
          I know I complain a lot about school, but junior year is really starting to crank down on me. I really fear failure. Who doesn't? But for me, it's a little different. My family has a long line of failures which led to financial crisis and a lot of ruined relationships and mistrust. I feel like my entire youth and childhood was wasted away worrying about my next meal rather than making friends and being social. 
          
          I love writing. I want to be an editor at a publishing house and be published of course. But I have a limited college tuition budget and who knows how the industry is going to go in the future. If I'm going to be honest: I'm scared. (Part 1)