@livesdenisa Hi! You have a great idea for a story! I think you do a great job with keeping the story going, but there are a few things that will need some tweaking, (Please don't take offence, I really want to help).
First off, spacing, look up tips for how to make paragraphs, and separate topics, and such things, for one, it'll make chapters longer, and people will be able to read it without confusing sentences.
Second, grammar, one thing that was confusing was that not all of what was said out loud by the characters was put in quotation marks, and I didn't know who was saying what. Maybe find someone to check it before you publish? I would offer myself, except that I'm really busy helping my parents remodel our house...
Third, pacing, you do great with the 'exciting, literally everything is happening' thing, but there are some people who would get confused as to what's happening, try to space out the exciting events, build up suspense. Here's a suggestion, look up 'foreshadowing and how to use it' or something. it's really useful for suspense.
Fourth, character building. That thing you did with their parents? Great for this genre (zombie apocalypse), but use it. Drag that part out. Give her something to do before her parents are supposed to get home, and when they don't, drag it out, make it scary. Also, after Tessa gets to the safe place, let her settle down and try to fit in before you kill anyone, that'll make it sadder, and more tear-jerking for the reader. Unless you don't want the reader to cry, then you do you...
If I think of something else, I'll tell you! I'm happy to help!
