nymph

Each passing times, your figure lingering around me. 
          Watching my interactions to others. 
          Watching me draw. 
          Watching me ride. 
          Watching... When was the last time I have seen you? 
          Do you know my age? 
          Do you know what you are? My hallucinations, the parasite. 
          The parasite that left since that night. 
          The one that I did not understand.
          We were all alone young, idolizing, failing to understand.
          I failed you. 
          I grew, whereas you stuck the same, though we had only a year difference. I am older than you now. 
          Each touch that where left behind, turned into scars. The pain that you took away, took my voice. 
          I failed to understand you. I let you leave. 
          Until the hallucination dissapeared, toning my voice back, my rest back. Realisation, it's gone.
          Your pain that you couldn't share, doesn't exists since that night. 
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          (AHHHHHHHHHH YEAH FUCK YOU VIVINOS Noo man I had to write this. Esp cause of the latest comic that came out. Till finally gave attention to Ivann at what cost thoo, even a hug?!! At least Till bby can talkkk but idc Ivan still alivee, I dare anyone fight me on this. I am itching to wrote one for Ivan too.... Hmmmmmmm) 
          

Time running out. 
          No time to watch, feel, touch. 
          My hands automatically magnified to brush those structure with the edges of my fingers. 
          No matter how many times I blink, its locked to the other. 
          Can I ever go back to heaven? 
          The hell burning my chest, wanting more, the greed. 
          The further the steps are backward, the further is close. 
          The persistence cuffing my wrist without space to turn around. 
          Every turns, it bursts in sweets. Every path, is companion. Every song, replaced with the voice and breathing. 
          Learning day by day. 
          Two complete opposite, yet standing side by side enjoying the snow, the rain, the cold, the sun, the heatwave. The chaos, the silence. Each other. 
          I am stuck, no I let it be. I am not cuffed. 
          Slowly with you
          We are in the present. 
          Enjoy the little moments. 
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          (Yesshh, I got inspo from music honestly, this can mean many things, depends on how you read it. At the end of the day, remember that even if is scary, it's okay, you're doing well. Go with the flow, and go with how you see fit. Don't pressure yourself. We are flawed humans at the end of the day. The present counts.) 
          
          
          
          

The end of tragedy. 
          That was supposed to be the end. 
          Yet the white and black solulete of yours, hunting me like tormented spirit. 
          The regret of not holding onto it. Not escaping. 
          Would you've been here next to me, than staring, than keeping falling, keep bleeding. 
          If I didn't give up, would've you been here? 
          The adult you, is my termour. 
          The younger you, is my peace. 
          The flower, is smudged withing my papers of your face. 
          The glitch of living and dead, burning my eyes. 
          Suffocating the wound of my neck. 
          The parasite embracing my living back. 
          The last living warmth of those lips, ongoing like a broken record. 
          Live with those numbers 89/70.
          I lived. 
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          (AHHHHHHHHHH I GOT THE INSPIRATION FROM THE NEW UPDATE OF ALIEN STAGE. And if you understand the number hehe, don't hate me, mwahh, love ya too. But no honestly I feel bad for Till man, I still hope idk Ivan is aliveee bruh. Hes aliveeee no one is changing ma mind. I really had to write this omg <3)

At each steps, the flicker of the pages echoed. 
          The written words, fading into scribbles. 
          The maisonettes against the fate that are read through by readers. 
          The regret of each sentence pasted into the blank screen. 
          It's not in my hand's anymore, rather it's the readers. 
          What have I done? 
          I burnt the irreversible.
          The fate prisoning with my own letters. 
          Burn the system. 
          No, block revenge. It's too late. 
          It caught me. 
          I caught it. 
          Blame who? Blame me? Those characters? The system? Blame her, why have I underestimate you. 
          Erase you, too late. 
          Trap you. Too late. 
          I am the poison of this world, though is my creation
          I am poison to her. 
          I beg you, bring me back. I miss them. 
          I will change them. 
          
          
          (HEHEHE it's the author's pov. I thought of writing something about her, cause why nottt. I was doing this chapter and I suddenly got few ideass, I am sharing this one but won't share the other one. That would deff spoil it. I do have a pov of the other character tho butt I already shared it previously. I did make more of hers cause she gives some inspirationn. Won't share them until I go further into the storyy) 

Another month passed. Weather changing, time passing. Maybe I should've done it before so that I could've showed it to you before you left? My apologies, it took me long. But I finally got it, I hope youre not too angry. Please forgive me for getting it so late, I did it finally, and I am sure the other will do well too, so don't worry, rest, rest. 
          
          Also guys omg, icl thanks to vivinos, I itch to knock those aliens out, wdym copies?!! They copied those patooties. I was so flabbergasted ong. And pls Ivan still alive in ma head shh

It really sucks the more time passes honestly. Everything feels so boring honestly. I thought maybe doing this, doing that would be fine, but god bless, I can't believe still the damn same. Especially when everyone around you have some kind of experience in many different things, like friendship,relationship, and so on. But youre there stuck watching others like a spectator. Well sometimes is nice to watch, and enjoy others happiness and their achievement but come on, you wanna be active too. Oh well is what it is honestly. 
          
          And plus, a month has passed, it feels weird, it's like everything going normal, but at the back of your head still holding whats missing in the world. Honestly thats deeply humbling too, but pressuring, now I have to continue? Oh well. I am sure it's in better place, at least words I gotta keep from my part. Honestly though, I still didn't accept, but did at the same time I did? Ig next yr is no more again. Oh well. Anyways guys take care of yourselves honestly, especially in health, you may think its nothing, but it can be quite fast than you realise, just like mental health, so take care. Mwahh. 

Idk why I thought I would be used to it, I would be okay with it, I would be ready for it. I wasn't, I was never ready for it. How am I supposed to get ready? I was supposed to see the sentences you send every year during this time, I won't? You're supposed to scold me, I won't anymore? You're supposed take me out for food, you won't? Who will I feel safe with now? Accepting me for who I am despite growing different. Now what? I am sorry I couldn't do anything, I said I would. You must be disappointed, did it hurt? I hope you're resting now. Please rest, I will do my best now so you can be proud of me later, if youre watching me. I will keep my words, even if you couldn't, I will keep it for you. I will continue ahead for you. When I see you next time, I will share them. One day I will share them with you all there. 
          
          Idk I thought of share my thoughts here, and take out how I feel here. So whoever is feeling like this, don't give up, it's okay, do it for them at least. Continue forward, don't forget, but don't let it eat, you're doing good. 

Yeah people are disappointing, I take that back, wanting to do what? Yeah nah. At this point is fine tho, thats what makes human. At least I tried, so it's not too useless, I learned more things along the way. 
          
          So honestly, even if things don't go the way you want, no matter what it is, especially with another person, its fine, its part of more learning of how humans are, and is what it is. Though I did really hoped it would've worked out, but thats fine, I am not too beat about it. Maybe I am not just not cut out for another, and thats fine, so is you. Just enjoy your time, and the present, don't stress too much about what will happen and all, youre doing well. Reward yourself for being brave to try. Thats all mwahhhh hoomanss, I thought why not share this, maybe someone feeling slightly the same as me? Sooo dwwww hoomann, you've done enough mwahh. 

Waiting for the green light, for me to cross. 
          Passing by the stranger, that suddently tingled my head. 
          Who are you? 
          Their avoidant gaze, yet so earning. 
          Are they really a stranger? 
          I can't look away from you. 
          You know me, isn't it? 
          Pay attention to me. 
          What are you hiding? 
          You're shaking the fragments embedded beneath my soul. 
          Why are you lying? 
          Don't let this go, make me remember you. 
          I know you right? 
          I want to remember you, I want to stay. 
          Why can't I let you be? 
          Here with you. 
          The diary calls you My Beloved. 
          
          
          
          
          
          (OMG???? BROOO ISTG idk I got inspiration from this character of a manhwa that I am reading, and seriously I lovee the way author protrays his emtions. Idkkk its soo good but sad! I had to make this. But honestly I do hope the main characters get together tho!! And no more sadness T-T they deserve happinesss) 

Every pieces of statue carved of you, gazing all towards me, as if they're alive. 
          Memories washing away each day. I can't grasp the details of you. 
          Am I forgetting? Are you forgetting me? 
          No heart beats left in them. No warmth left in them. 
          Even with pieces of flesh within the tinted red smudged against. 
          The soul empitied mine, here all alone. I can't even question you. 
          You didn't forget, I am. Will I forget the will too? 
          The string, that connects us, I may pull it. 
          I may, follow it. Whether is hell or heaven. 
          Even the depths of the life cycle, to get a glimpse of you, reach for the abandoned warmth, the attention of your voice. 
          The assembled creation, stood cold and smooth. The uniqueness, the imperfection, doesn't call my name, but earns for the silence. 
          My will is to wait, to gift the carved masterpiece of the memories. 
          
          
          
          (Hehe yeahhh my imagination is yumm, but honestly that just happened)