♡

October 26 2022
          
          My grandfather passed away around 10:20 p.m.
          
          Today is October 27. Everything fucking sucks. My brother has had his rude ass fucking girlfriend here since last Friday. I'm sick of it. I can't even properly take in anything because I'm the fucking dump everyone is pouring all their shit on to me. I'm about to explode. The family is so dumb, heartless and selfish. The man barely had anything yet everyone is fighting over his stuff and it hasn't even been 24 hours since he passed. I just want to make peace with the fact he isn't suffering. I want to feel relief that he is in a better place. Why is everyone fighting.

I want to write about a girl who stops her depression pit and gains confidence and does whatever she wants and just sets the world on fire with her own hands.

Idea:
          The boy/girl next door finds themselves in an enemies- to -lovers romance until a secret identity ruins everything.

I hate when my heart thinks of you.
          It makes me love the blue sky. 
          It makes me want to touch clouds.

"What is the reason you write fiction?
          
                       I want to be good at something and         I've tried everything else."

the reason i dont take in compliments is because they can turn inside out in the amount of time it takes to say them.
          stand up for yourself and suddenly you're sour to the same person who use to feed me all these lies

i hate living in my mind

im feeling terrible but im too tired to understand it

my anxiety as of late is the worst it's ever been. thinking about the future i can't even wrap my head around how i'll survive. im starting to have chest pains over stress and im starting to worry something serious might happen. like i don't go through this every year this year just seems scarier and im finding it hard to find comfort in things and items that use to keep me comfort at least enough to ground me through these times. my mind is so packed of stuff its jammed and im just sitting around too heavy. i cant remove the thoughts because its packed so tight. i need something to clear my head. 

i wish i could afford therapy
          im never going to get anywhere without figuring it out