hamato_mikey

♣️♣️♣️
          	
          	You know…there is a reason, I keep on posting, despite no one ever reading my words.
          	In hopes of someone finding this someday.
          	
          	Leaving behind some sort of legacy.
          	I just noticed the absurdity of such thought.
          	How exactly does this benefit me?
          	
          	Only serves to satisfy my ego.
          	When I am dead, I am gone.
          	Nothing left, I do not wish to be remembered.
          	
          	Because what purpose does it serve me?
          	I will not even know it.
          	If someone thinks of me, after I have passed.
          	
          	There is nothing you take to the grave.
          	Only yourself.
          	Not even clothes, traditionally, in Muslim fashion, you are wrapped in bandages and are lowered in a grave, without a coffin.
          	
          	There is nothing awaiting me, I will simply perish.
          	I find that to be funny.
          	I leave no impact on the world, yet my ego thought so.
          	
          	Many people think that, but they are not special either, only the very few.
          	I mean nothing to this world and I am at peace with that.
          	
          	What hurts my human heart and soul is to know, I also mean nothing to humanity.
          	What can I do?
          	
          	Force them?
          	No, I am but a number.
          	I will continue posting.
          	
          	I guess I will continue listening to my ego.
          	
          	♣️♣️♣️

hamato_mikey

♣️♣️♣️
          
          You know…there is a reason, I keep on posting, despite no one ever reading my words.
          In hopes of someone finding this someday.
          
          Leaving behind some sort of legacy.
          I just noticed the absurdity of such thought.
          How exactly does this benefit me?
          
          Only serves to satisfy my ego.
          When I am dead, I am gone.
          Nothing left, I do not wish to be remembered.
          
          Because what purpose does it serve me?
          I will not even know it.
          If someone thinks of me, after I have passed.
          
          There is nothing you take to the grave.
          Only yourself.
          Not even clothes, traditionally, in Muslim fashion, you are wrapped in bandages and are lowered in a grave, without a coffin.
          
          There is nothing awaiting me, I will simply perish.
          I find that to be funny.
          I leave no impact on the world, yet my ego thought so.
          
          Many people think that, but they are not special either, only the very few.
          I mean nothing to this world and I am at peace with that.
          
          What hurts my human heart and soul is to know, I also mean nothing to humanity.
          What can I do?
          
          Force them?
          No, I am but a number.
          I will continue posting.
          
          I guess I will continue listening to my ego.
          
          ♣️♣️♣️

hamato_mikey

♦️♦️♦️
          
          New art piece
          “I hide in my imagination”
          https://pin.it/4oZaweEiM
          
          Back when I was a kid, I often imagined pretty things, cool things, interesting things.
          Only to escape this reality.
          
          Nothing really changed.
          Because when my nose was broken, I did the exact same thing.
          
          While she was crying, I kept on laughing.
          But it was not funny.
          In my imagination, my dream wife was holding my hand, comforting me.
          
          I could feel her hand, I could feel her warm breath, I could hear her soft voice, I was hiding in my imagination.
          
          Like I always do when things get difficult.
          Which seems to be a standard for me.
          
          ♦️♦️♦️

hamato_mikey

♦️♦️♦️
          
          New short story
          
          ♦️♦️♦️
          
          
          https://www.wattpad.com/1569231714?utm_source=ios&utm_medium=postToProfile&utm_content=share_writing&wp_page=create_writer&wp_uname=hamato_mikey

hamato_mikey

Some time ago, the bus driver commented on me seeming so youthful for my age, he thought that I was a minor.
            
            Even the bus driver is noticing this.
• Reply

hamato_mikey

♦️♦️♦️
          
          New poem!
          
          ♦️♦️♦️
          
          
          https://www.wattpad.com/1568581889?utm_source=ios&utm_medium=postToProfile&utm_content=share_writing&wp_page=create_writer&wp_uname=hamato_mikey

hamato_mikey

Man I lowkey do not care anymore, I was just sitting on my couch and drank 1L milk straight out of the carton.
            
            Now I continue sitting, less milk in the house.
            Why do we have so much?
            It remains a mystery, more for me to drink, I suppose.
• Reply

hamato_mikey

I love China.
• Reply

hamato_mikey

I have decided to end this book on this note.
            Seemed fitting.
            I will continue writing songs and poems.
            
            As long as I have something to say.
            But in a new book instead.
• Reply

hamato_mikey

♦️♦️♦️
          
          New art piece!
          “At least my room is pretty”
          https://pin.it/6gKjkZtb1
          
          I really bloomed for a while there.
          False awakening.
          I was never well, merely distracted.
          
          Everyday, my world is coming to an end.
          Tornadoes seem unmoving, when they are approaching you, I thought my issues had stopped.
          
          That was stupid of me to think.
          No, I was never “healing”.
          My sun is rising, but never does it fill me with warmth, only emptiness resides in my heart.
          
          Because I thought, I was becoming better, I started buying more pretty things, started indulging in my interests, before that, my walls were barren, empty, I saw no reason to decorate them.
          
          Now I have puzzles hung up, got new furniture, new clothes, new items, new art supplies, even got hundreds of stickers.
          
          However, I was never happy.
          Still, I appreciate this phase.
          At least my room is pretty.
          
          ♦️♦️♦️

hamato_mikey

This song fits today’s piece quite well:
            “https://youtu.be/59jskdsARxw?si=0Y5KGWB9nSureuEJ”
            The caretaker - False memory syndrome
• Reply

hamato_mikey

♠️♠️♠️
          
          27.July.2021 
          Now it has been officially 4 years without her.
          It feels so unreal.
          
          I always knew of death, I never thought it would hit someone I knew, someone dear to me, I always assumed, it was something, others experienced.
          
          Most importantly, I did not expect her to go so soon.
          She was only 19 years old.
          Still her whole life ahead of her.
          
          Yet it ended.
          I was not a good friend to her.
          Yet my love for her will always remain strong.
          
          Was a ray of sunshine in this world, had so much good in her, not one evil bone inside of her, truly best of the best.
          
          Seni özlüyorum, canım kuzenim, canım arkadaşım. 
          Nasılda seni severdim, hiçbir zaman unutmam, unutamamda, kalbim her gün kan alıyor.
          
          ♠️♠️♠️

hamato_mikey

Just read:
            “Wer bin ich und wenn ja, wie viele?”
            10/10.
            
            Philosophical graphic novel.
            Very fascinating concepts, questions, I have yet to answer myself.
            I recommend it.
• Reply

hamato_mikey

I must accept the tragedy of my life, always claiming to heal, I am not healing anything.
            Some lives are just depressing.
            
            And there is nothing more to them.
            Mine is one of them.
            I used to claim, my life got better.
            
            To some extent it did, the deep depression residing inside my heart has not left me however, me being an idealist, I just focused on the positive.
            
            My world has been ending since 2015.
            10 years, it is so over.
            I wish for him to get healthier.
            
            So much so, I sacrifice my deepest desire, to be loved.
            May such fate never find me, this is my payment.
            
            May I suffer forever for I wish so greatly for him to recover.
            I allow these desires to even haunt me, remind me of my sacrifice.
            
            As long as he gets better.
• Reply

hamato_mikey

♦️♦️♦️
          
          New art piece!
          “Never to be found”
          https://pin.it/3Hi60K1Fo
          
          I started creating this piece last week.
          But it got late, so I finished it today.
          Today, I relapsed.
          
          Was 2 years clean from sh.
          So what little I had left of this art piece, I approached with a certain deeper sadness.
          
          I believe, I am unlovable.
          Based on all the data I have collected so far, based on my calculations, I truly am.
          
          My intuition is almost always correct, it is very strong.
          Which is why I relapsed today.
          I guess I spiralled.
          
          Because I always believed that.
          Today, it hurt a little worse, I guess.
          I am in the deep part of a forest.
          
          Leaves and grass are blending together.
          I sit in an abandoned pool.
          Never to be found.
          
          Is this some sort of dream?
          Nothing feels real.
          Wonder who am “I”?
          
          This person does not exist, because nothing exists.
          It is all a dream, perhaps even a hallucination, who knows at this point even anymore.
          
          ♦️♦️♦️

hamato_mikey

Saw someone walk their dog today.
            At 6 in the morning in the rain.
            Nothing can stop these owners, I always see at least one.
            
            I tweaked a little and then decided to scream: “AHHHHHHHHH!”
            Everyone was looking, I continued walking, as if nothing happened.
            
            Eh nothing too unusual here.
• Reply

hamato_mikey

I miss Winter.
• Reply

hamato_mikey

♦️♦️♦️
          
          New art piece!
          “The day before”
          https://pin.it/4nlSjYmQM
          
          Elongated fingers, make it easier for her to grab and throw things at me.
          Eyes, eyes, eyes staring at her, knowing what she did.
          
          Injustices do not exist.
          There is always a punishment, the universe remembers, wether now or later
          
          What she has done to me will never be forgotten.
          Forgiveness only goes so far.
          
          Awful human being.
          Always in the victim position, but evil wears on the soul, one cannot mistake the crazy in her eyes.
          
          White faced. 
          Spirals in the whole room, eating the picture, they lead to her.
          Or out of her, however you please to see it.
          
          Either way, insanity never leaves this home.
          I made this peace the day before I broke my nose, I was in the middle of it, erasing my pencil lineart.
          
          When I opened the book in a long time, there was still some eraser dust left.
          I got dizzy.
          
          Still, I managed to finish it.
          
          ♦️♦️♦️

hamato_mikey

Worst part is…she seems so stupid?
            The media always portrays people like her as manipulative and cunning. 
            
            She is just:
            “Oh you won the argument?
            How about I beat you?”
            
            Dumbahh cannot even come up with anything…bruh.
            It is kind of embarrassing that THIS is the person, who harms me.
            
            I always lose a couple of brain cells when with her.
• Reply

hamato_mikey

*piece not peace haha
            There is never peace in this home.
            Not with her at least.
• Reply

hamato_mikey

♦️♦️♦️
          
          New art piece!
          “Trapping desires”
          https://pin.it/7JePUxgvd
          
          I REALLY do not like these feelings, huh?
          As I have noticed, that I have created many pieces over my struggle with accepting my sexuality.
          
          Chains coming out of my eyes, attached to my collar, chains on my hands.
          Well, I certainly do not look like the person I have depicted in this painting.
          
          I got sick of drawing myself.
          Hearts in her hair, just like butterflies in your stomach.
          Her thoughts revolve around it.
          
          Will I ever be able to just accept it and express myself or will these chains forever torture me?
          I am really coping well with my chosen celibacy, totally not a response to getting SA’d…
          
          ♦️♦️♦️

hamato_mikey

Apologies for saying so little about it, I am upset, because of my father’s condition.
            Living with someone who is chronically ill really takes a toll on one.
• Reply