Firewolf1996

@Breannabennett301bcb well I’ve read-  got me interested, it’s not bad. I’m thinking maybe names for each as was as a description. For example - the purple one doesn’t really scream your own twist. I understand you want it to be about certain characters but I think that would help put your own twist to them. Also your sentences need expanding, some were a little confusing. Also maybe add more detail and a setting. It was kind of hard to understand. The conversations are short and simple, I like that. And I love the spacing you use for the conversations. These are all only suggestions you’re welcome to take any into consideration. I like the storyline though, haven’t started your other book yet

@Breannabennett301bcb I’m sorry if anything came across a little harsh in anyway, your story line is great tho, it’s different from other things I’ve seen, I love how you’ve used something that’s on trend to focus your story on, it’s not cliche either. I think maybe do some planning ahead as I can see you from the story so far what it’s lacking, maybe do a brain storm and write down little notes from each section then you can add in the bits where you feel they need to go. For example- the red one - name, description, features, character- shy - innocent etc then you can make the description from your points - hope that makes sense 

@Breannabennett301bcb honestly I’m more than happy to help you out. I’d rather give honest feedback and help you improve than tell lies. If you read then I’d definitely suggest reading female. I think the way the writer writes would be more suitable for you. The writer uses short sentences but does it in a way that makes sense and it’s very powerful. If you want to go for a more descriptive style then there’s many stories that can give you inspiration. If you’re short on time then write what you want then go back and edit, add more details and make everything flow, if you need any help feel free to message :)

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