carbonizedelf

@carbonizedelf   Thank you so much for taking the time to read my poems and stories and for leaving such a thoughtful comment! I'm truly grateful for your kind words and encouragement. I really appreciate you pointing out both the strengths and the areas where I can improve. Your feedback on formatting and flow is very helpful, and I'll definitely keep it in mind as I continue writing. Thanks again for your support, it means a lot to me!

@Rheameledene08 Hello! I took some time and read some of your works. A chunk from the "Ruins" collection and a few from the Coffee Collection. There is much potential with your works! There are very striking lines within your poems like, "I chose to be a stranger to my own solitude.". A very powerful line right there. Another one, striking in a different way, however, striking nonetheless, "Dark. Direct. Unapologetically itself." from the Black Coffee and Clarity poem. This one is smooth in delivery, however, still expresses the feeling of a black coffee spectacularly. Stands out.
            That's where I see the potential. The parts where I see some work might be needed are in the formatting and flow. For example, in Chapter 7 of the Coffee Series,
            "... A wealthy businessman and a struggling student might sit only a few tables apart, each listening to the same debates and conversations.
            Some called them penny universities.
            A place where knowledge cost little more than curiosity. ..."
            The jump from the wealthy businessman and struggling student line to the penny universities line is a fine jump, this comment has to do with the formatting. With the lines being right next to each other, and the ideas having, in my opinion, a small correlation between each other, including an extra space between the lines I believe would make it flow a lot smoother.
            Like this:
            "... A wealthy businessman and a struggling student might sit only a few tables apart, each listening to the same debates and conversations.
            
            Some called them penny universities.
            A place where knowledge cost little more than curiosity. ..."
            
            Especially considering the context prior to the first elipses and the context after the second elipses in the quoted section above, the space that I have described and shown would make the difference I speak about. These seemingly small formatting decisions effect the flow of the poem inherently and sometimes drastically.
            
            You write well and I like your works! Keep going, you got this!

@kiapoetry_  'Twas a pleasure reading them!
            
            You're very welcome! For multiple things lol!
            
            Speak soon, stay well!!

@kiapoetry_ Hey, Kia!! I took some time and read over the poems from you collection there! My personal favorites from it were "still here", "Pyschora", "Aporia",  "Can I be a little girl again?" and, "The river of guilt", in the order. Whatever you were going for in "still here" I believe it was truly and wholly captured. The same goes for "Pyschora" and "Aporia". There was an essence there that felt directly transcribed onto the page. Absolutely beautiful! Both, "Can I be a little girl again?" and "The river of guilt", are very well written. Very minor tweaks, I believe, have the possibility of more impact.
            The most notable one to me was the line, "The guilt, of giving more than a second chance, to hands that only knew, how to wound, the moment they could reach." in "The river of guilt". Its a beautiful line, conveys what it needs to very well, however, if the last line, "the moment they could reach." is taken out, leaving everything else before it still in the phrase, it would end implying that whatever hands they are, are only capable of wounding. Even if the hands are out of reach. The slight difference could add a some extra punch to the phrase. Of course it is a fine phrase with the last line still there! An idea to nibble on if you'd like.
            
            The other poems I also enjoyed, however, they didn't resonate as much as the ones I've just talked about. That is perfectly okay! Not every single work that is created will resonate with everybody, flat out. Again, perfectly okay! It is not the duty of an artist to create works that resonate with everybody. The point of art is to express the soul.
            
            That's about it from me! Keep writing, keep becoming and throughout time, who you are and how your art exists,  among other things, will all unravel before you. Take care and keep in touch!
            
            P.S. Do not be sorry for an appearance! Communicating, by any means, with people is how connections are made and communities are built. As I mentioned before,
            Keep in touch!