beentheredonethat2

I thought I was ready to be ur friend. I mean I am but I wasn't ready for the stuff after it. I wasn't ready to hear u say u don't love me like you used to anymore. I wasn't ready to hear u immediately tried dating after we broke up. I wasn't ready to hear you actually found someone. I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready to cry so many tears. I wasn't ready to cry and cry until I couldn't anymore. Instead I did what I was ready for, being your friend. I was happy because you were happy. I was supportive because that's what u need. I tried and tried to be okay with everything. But I couldn't help but cry even more.
          	
          	It wasn't even about how or why we broke up. It wasn't even that you found someone new. I'm crying because of all the plans we didn't get to do. All the promises we made. All the declaration we claimed. I'm crying over what ifs and unsaid things. I'm crying over things I can't say anymore. I can't say it without my heart feeling compressed. I can't even look at you without my eyes tearing up and a soft but pitiful smile forming. Not for you tho but for me. 
          	
          	I pity myself. I pity how I can't move on. I pity how many days, weeks, month, I cried nonstop. I pity myself for putting u in front of me. I pity myself and I want you to know. But I can't. I won't. 
          	
          	I keep my silence, I keep my secrets. I swallowed them with the feeling of acid sliding down and tightness of bob wired around my throat. I rather suffer in silence than make you feel guilty for my problems. This is my mess for me to clean not yours. So please live your life happily and beautiful. I'll just be here for you drowning ever so quietly.

beentheredonethat2

I thought I was ready to be ur friend. I mean I am but I wasn't ready for the stuff after it. I wasn't ready to hear u say u don't love me like you used to anymore. I wasn't ready to hear u immediately tried dating after we broke up. I wasn't ready to hear you actually found someone. I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready to cry so many tears. I wasn't ready to cry and cry until I couldn't anymore. Instead I did what I was ready for, being your friend. I was happy because you were happy. I was supportive because that's what u need. I tried and tried to be okay with everything. But I couldn't help but cry even more.
          
          It wasn't even about how or why we broke up. It wasn't even that you found someone new. I'm crying because of all the plans we didn't get to do. All the promises we made. All the declaration we claimed. I'm crying over what ifs and unsaid things. I'm crying over things I can't say anymore. I can't say it without my heart feeling compressed. I can't even look at you without my eyes tearing up and a soft but pitiful smile forming. Not for you tho but for me. 
          
          I pity myself. I pity how I can't move on. I pity how many days, weeks, month, I cried nonstop. I pity myself for putting u in front of me. I pity myself and I want you to know. But I can't. I won't. 
          
          I keep my silence, I keep my secrets. I swallowed them with the feeling of acid sliding down and tightness of bob wired around my throat. I rather suffer in silence than make you feel guilty for my problems. This is my mess for me to clean not yours. So please live your life happily and beautiful. I'll just be here for you drowning ever so quietly.

beentheredonethat2

Life feels so weird rn for me. 2023 felt like a fever dream that actually gave me a fever. 2024 isn't starting all that great either but I try to push through it lol. I try to feel the emotions and then let it go but idk. I was never really good at explaining to myself what emotions I feel, which I find rather peculiar. I'm a very expressive person but sometimes I, myself, don't understand my emotions. I feel too much. I love too much. I crave and envy. I cry and I weep. I laugh and I scream. I wish I didn't sometimes. But sometimes I don't. Ik I will experience the feeling of life around me. I will love to my heart content. I will crave and envy with my whole body. I will cry and weep until I create a ocean. And I will laugh and scream until the last bit of atoms of air exits my body. For I am a very expressive person and sometimes I, myself, don't understand my emotions.