r i g g s 🍑✨

*walking into Walmart, friend points at ground* 
          
          Friend: that’s so sad
          
          Me: awe someone spilt their chicken noodle soup
          
          Friend: ... that’s fries and Cheerios. 

TO DO: 
          •Praise da lord
          •Break da law
          •Take what’s mine
          •Take some more 

i don’t know how to communicate with people without my self-deprecating humor scaring them away. rip

it rained so much last night, i can go outside and yell “get out of me swamp” without people looking at me like im crazy now. 

‘oral? no thanks i prefer Colgate’

‘Please ma’am may I have a will to live’

‘Manifest destiny but it’s eating all the sushi from one side of the buffet to the other’