Okay, so I like your work, "The Other Girl" but if you don't mind, I'd like to give you some constructive criticism, but as someone who wants to help you further your writing skills and fulfill the great potential that you have as a writer, rather than someone trying to be offensive. Firstly, I'm not sure if the readers are supposed to like Kayla or not, but it seems to me like she has potential to be the antagonist, instead of Blake. Speaking of Blake, I'd recommend you do some character development with him, because he went from moody and antisocial to suddenly very helpful and open with Frannie, and it doesn't really add up. Another thing: If excess information isn't needed, you don't HAVE to put it in there. Leave it up to the reader to think what they think; sure, it's okay to let us know what Frannie is thinking, but I suggest you do it in more of a logical way, rather than suppuratic unnecessary information. I like this story and encourage you to update it.
If you're interested in reading a story that is a good representation of well thought-out character development, feel free to check out my novella, "The Chemistry Test". I hope you have a magnificent day/evening. <3
xx Ari
