Thewritingpaw236

"I can't drink a mug of tea in peace without thinking of you"
          	
          	-Unknown

Thewritingpaw236

I hit one of my best friends car today QAQ
          
          I feel so bad and I asked her if she wanted my insurance info to take care of the small dent I'd made and she legit went "nah idc. I'd much rather be at club rn then looking at my car tbh" 
          
          And I 
          
          T.T
          
          Like it's good that she is totally chill about it and that's okay. I'm moreso thinking of the fact that I did that in a full parking lot and a lot of people saw and I'm wondering if it's gonna go around that I hit someone's car T.T 
          
          I keep telling myself that I'm leaving this place and these high schoolers so it really doesn't matter, and that soothes me for .5 seconds until I'm nervous and anxious again cause FXCK I just hit someone's car
          
          (For reference, I pulled out but I didn't go out quite far enough and I thought I could make the turn because the jeep turns really sharply and needless to say it didn't turn sharp enough.)
          
          Also her dad is a judge. Court judge. I'm worried he's going to be more mad than she was and make hell rain down on me
          
          I sent her an apology text after the fact, reminded her that I'm willing to give insurance info, and that I'd buy her Boba for the rest of her life and she hasn't responded yet QAQ
          
          I hate 2024 so far

Thewritingpaw236

For reference, I haven't told my parents cause the Jeep ended up undamaged. So if my friend doesn't end up needing my insurance stuff, then they'll never have to know about this accident. At this point, if my friend ends up needing to get my insurance info then it'll be obvious that I kept it from my parents fhdjlaldkjfjsjka
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Thewritingpaw236

She has to tell her parents about the damage ghdjdkallakdjfjf
            
            I'm so fxcking scared rn
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Thewritingpaw236

Talking to my BFF and she said her BF doesn't like me (he's fairly religious and I have no qualms with what I wear or swear, so he thinks I'm a bad influence) BUT one of my friends overheard and looked genuinely confused. She seriously said, "I can't imagine anyone not liking [my name]" and I just QAQ
          
          It made me so happy!!
          
          
          PS my BFF doesn't care what her BF thinks (and she also doesn't like his friends so they're even)

Thewritingpaw236

https://a.co/d/7VB1B6h
          
          Book:  The Raja 
          Author: H.M. Quincy
          Interests: Faeries‍♀️ × Spies × Enemies to Lovers❤️
          Where to read: Amazon & Kindle ebooks (check bio)
          
          .
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          Learn more about The Raja:
          Rising from the dead to protect the living.
          
          The epic stand-alone fantasy book by H.M. Quincy.
          
          Eblis Virneya is far from dead. In spite of a constant threat of torture, the shredding of her wings, and the loss of her innocence, she has chosen to live in the shadows of Synody’s High King for nearly two hundred and fifty years. Eblis has no dreams of ever returning to the family that thinks she is dead.
          
          Yet, when the threat of a war rises just two years after Synody had been quelled, Eblis’s loyalties are put to the test. Her brother waits in one land, though her life had been tied for too long in another. Information reaches the young faerie she cannot deny; she must go back home or risk the wrath of Synody tearing her apart. The problem is: no one trusts her. Especially the dark-winged Spymaster, Nirav.
          
          Why wouldn’t they?
          
          A Court of Thorns and Roses meets the Night Angel Trilogy in H.M. Quincy's #1 completed and published fantasy book with betrayal, spies, and faeries. Read this if you want Throne of Glass levels of character self-sabotage.

Thewritingpaw236

For anyone wondering: no there is nothing interesting on my Wattpad board. It's all emotional dumps and thought vomits of things that are bothering me at the time. Some have a few weeks between them and some are months apart; depends on my mental health.
          
          Feel free to dive into my pain, loneliness, suspicion, etc etc etc. Just know that I am A-OK and this pit of despair isn't all that's going on in my life! I just don't typically post the happy stuff since I don't need to work through that with typing lol

Thewritingpaw236

My grandpa died earlier this year. For Christmas, my siblings and I (his only grandchildren) each got a $500 check from his trust as his last gift to us.
          
          It was revealed that Grandpa had always sent money to my parents - at first, it was to ensure his only grandchildren got gifts from Santa while we were financially struggling. However, Grandpa kept on sending the money even when my parents got better jobs and us kids stopped believing in Santa. That money always went towards bigger, better, or just more gifts for us kids to have and enjoy on Christmas.
          
          I don't know how to explain the feeling of depositing this last check from Grandpa, knowing these $500 are, and always will be, from Santa. I suppose we never should've stopped believing in him, because he actually existed - our Santa was an ex-policeman who had served for over 50 years helping rebellious kids turn their life around no matter their circumstances. He was a park ranger, and a hummingbird lover. He didn't have long white hair and a fluffy beard or a massive belly, but he was Santa.
          
          Thank you, Grandpa. I'm sorry I didn't recognize you for what you were when you were still around.

Thewritingpaw236

this message may be offensive 
I did the physical testing part of MEPS (which is just testing for military recruitment) today and I got f***ing YELLED at by one of the doctors loud enough that the people outside heard (yay!)
          
          For reference, two other people before me had said they'd been yelled at too but I wasn't able to hear when he yelled at them (another yay!)
          
          You may be wondering how I pissed off a military doctor so much that they were that loud...well I don't have a fucking clue. Dude had a strong accent and when he started yelling I got Hella lost and I just had to smile and nod and apologize for f*** all. I heard later on that he wanted to disqualify me for having eczema apparently? (I swore in today, so he was not successful that old botch)
          
          Currently crying cause I hate being yelled at and it didn't help that I was trying so hard NOT to cry cause I didn't want to be THAT military person who cried at MEPS. Ended up walking out though and everyone looking at me and the two people who had already been yelled at asking what happened and I lost it.
          
          What a great start! (*note my sarcasm*)

Macncheeseeee20

@Thewritingpaw236  ouch I hate getting yelled at too especially in public I also have minor eczema on my arms like in the crook were you bend it since I was like 4 and I don’t know why people make such a big deal out of it for me because my medics that I use makes the skin pale white in the place I put it often and people ask if I have skin cancer and stuff
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Thewritingpaw236

I'm a cross country runner and I did a lot of summer training prior to this season because it's going to be my last---I wanted to make it count. The whole team worked together to get out on runs and challenge each other. 
          
          The season has now started, and I feel good about my times in races and I'm pushing hard past the mental barriers that had always slowed me down. Last year I was at the edge of Varsity  #7) and this year I'm #5, with potential to get up to #3. This does mean, however, that two of my teammates got pushed behind me in the process. 
          
          Coach has yet to talk to me about my progress. But he has talked to the two people below me about "Pushing up" and "reaching their potential." It seems like he wants them to get their positions back and push me out of the top five again. I've tried being supportive and also egging them on to stay with me and to push it, but I just can't get past the overwhelming feeling that my own coach doesn't want me to succeed. That he doesn't believe I deserve my spot right now, but THEY do.
          
          I've never been good at running, so now that I am, I feel protective of all the work I've done and the spot I have gotten for myself, which is probably making this worse on my side. I don't want them to take my spot, so I'll just have to work harder to keep it---but with Coach focusing on them, it's difficult not to worry one of these pep talks are going to actually get them to usurp my placement on the team.
          
          In the end, I can't really say anything without sounding self-centered or seeming like IM saying they can't run faster or smth. I'm dead-locked, but it's my last year so I'm kinda wanting to ignore it? My being and my drive doesn't depend on my coach's approval, and ultimately I'll just keep doing what I'm doing and dig my toes into my spot. It just sucks that I have to show up to practice and, instead of feel camaraderie, just feel worried about the two below me every time Coach pulls them aside.

Thewritingpaw236

this message may be offensive 
TLDR
            
            I fucked up running at state and lied saying I had an injury to cover up my poor performance. I lied to everyone. No one but Wattpad now knows that I wasn't actually injured and the only reason I did so bad was because of myself. I cried through the finish line, said it was the pain, went back to the tent, and stuck in some earbuds to disassociate. My teammates were worried but I just...didn't care at that point. My team score suffered because of my times and I did nothing.
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Thewritingpaw236

I finished 2nd to LAST in the state race because I gave up. I slipped on a hill and used it as an excuse (I told my coach as I ran past that I slipped, fell, hip popped, and I was in excruciating pain) to slow down.
            
            I performed horribly and I definitely didn't deserve that state race. I've since lost any will to run or keep up my endurance, and I still receive sympathy from the people around me about how my race turned out because they saw me run through the finish line sobbing in physical pain (but I wasn't injured! I was just so disappointed in myself and what I'd done that I broke down crying while fake limping to make myself feel better about it).
            
            The week prior was districts. I got a 103 fever Friday night and put myself through the nine realms of hell to run the next day at 11am (and I did and had my 4th best run of the season). I went home and was immediately drowned in a high fever that took me out for 4 more days, (one of which was my birthday yay).
            
            Do you understand the feeling of running through the finish line, sobbing, finding it empty on the other side because every other person had already filed away to celebrate with their parents and teams? Do you know what it's like to see none of your own teammates as your trying to stop crying and pushing through a crowd? Of breaking through and trying to get yourself some privacy but running into your parents instead, where you end up crying into your moms shoulder while still lying about an injury? Do you know what it's like to have your parents watch you cry, wipe the tears away, and then immediately turn around to your teammates and telling them you're fine?
            
            I don't think you do. Cause I don't think anyone will be as stupid, or shallow, or self-centered as I was then to lie and talk about an injury when the only thing that had stopped me from doing well for my team was myself.
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Thewritingpaw236

Usually writing it out makes me feel better but I just feel antsy now. I'm starting to worry about falling behind or people getting in front of me when I never cared before; the only thing that used to matter was finishing the race.
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