permanently inactive

hello
          
          i know you all think i'm dead, and for a while i thought that was for the best. 
          
          a lot has happened. i've changed and grown, i've gotten better and worse. medications and psychologists and frequently changing schools, suicide attempts and self harm, and a whole lot of hating myself and other people. love comes and goes and it hurts sometimes.
          
           i failed to kill myself in november of last year, and the first thing i thought when my life became semi-normal again was of you guys. as stupid as this sounds, wattpad was my everything in 2022. all of you meant the world to me. i made friends and enemies, laughed and stayed up until 2am on this godforsaken website. i thought that if i pretended i succeeded and left you all to think of me as dead, i'd find some fucked-up version of 'inner peace'. instead when i came back a bit ago to check on this account, i was just met with sadness. 
          
          to be honest, i still don't know if its a good idea to post this. it seems like such an asshole thing to do; "hey! i know i put you all through hell by pretending to be dead because i didn't want to deal with life!! sorry!!!" but i feel like you deserve to know i'm still here.
          
          moving forward, i will be inactive on this account. i have another wattpad that i've been using, though i'm not as active on there as i ever was on here. @starman_robbie 
          
          my discord is starman <3#0001, please feel free to reach out if we were close. over the next few days i'll be checking this account for dm's asking for my other socials, but if you want to have any other kind of conversations please talk to me anywhere but this account.
          
          i'm unsure if i'll delete this account, but if i do i'll post an announcement warning you of it.
          
          love always,
          Robin.

Has anyone else just been messaging him just hoping he'll reply someday

Hey I really miss you...and I know you'll probably never see this but...
          Boop! 
          You have been booped,send this to 20 other profiles to let the chaos spread!

Boop!
          You have been booped, send this to 20 other profiles
          to let the chaos spread!

Hello! I hope you're okay
          I kinda miss seeing your messages pop up in my notifs, hope your depression gets better and you come back soon! I don't mean you have to do everything as you did before, but a "hi, I'm not dead!" once in a while would be appreciated :)

hey just fyi i'm going to be going permanently inactive. my depression has been awful recently and i'm probably going to kill myself soon. i hope all of you live happy, wonderful lives. goodbye everyone <3

god i'm so fucking sad
          
          i fucking miss him
          
          i hate myself
          
          he's already over me, he has someone new and i'm GLAD but i'm JEALOUS i hate myself for being jealous
          
          i hate myself for being alive
          
          why did i have to fuck it all up
          
          i fucking loved him. i'd never loved anyone before and it was beautiful it was soft and warm and it made me HAPPY i'd never felt happy like that ever before.
          
          but i went and tossed it out the fucking window and it's tearing me apart.
          
          why do i regret it. why do i miss him. i hate myself for regretting it. i hate myself for missing him
          
          i've dug my own grave and no matter how hard i try i can't climb out of it
          
          do i even want to climb out of it?
          
          no
          
          i hope i die here, in this 6-foot hole i've pushed myself into.
          
          at least if i'm dead i won't feel this pain anymore.
          
          at least if i'm dead i won't miss him
          
          at least if i'm dead i won't want to die

what if i just decided to give myself a septum piercing. because i have a needle i could do it with. i might get grounded but idrc-

guess who just gaslight gatekeep girlbossed his way into not being institutionalized
          
          anyway hi i'm back

THIS IS VERY VERY IMPORTANT. PLEASE LISTEN.
          
          in about an hour i'm going to upen up to my therapist about my mental health crisis
          
          there is a high chance i will be institutionalized
          
          in the case of that happening, i will be inactive on here until further notice.