I just want to let this out.
I just told my mom that sometimes I wish I was never born, that I didn’t exist. But instead of understanding me, she got angry. She said, “Why would you think that way? Just because of your problems? There are people carrying much heavier problems than you, but they don’t end their lives. And you—just because of your small problems—you already wish you were never born? Tigilan mo ang pag-iinarte mo.
She even told me to stop reading Wattpad, thinking it’s the reason I feel this way. But what she doesn’t know is that it’s actually the reason I don’t give in to those thoughts. It’s the reason I’m still here, still holding on. Wattpad is my escape—so why would I ever let go of the one thing that keeps me alive?
All I want is to be understood. All I want is someone who will carefully listen to what I’ll say. But why can’t I find that? Why does it always feel like my feelings are invalid, like my words don’t matter?
All I want is someone who won’t judge me for what I feel, someone who won’t call it pag-iinarte. All I want is a safe place where I can pour out my thoughts without being scolded, without being silenced.
Is it really too much to ask—for someone to simply stay, to simply listen, to simply care...?
