Sevannah Storm

She's a 10, but she whispers, "That's a spicy meat-a-ball" every time you take off your pants.

I started jogging today. I didn't want to, but the margarita truck wouldn't stop.

Before Sigourney Weaver, people had to weave their sigournies by hand.

I'm thankful for the Foo Fighters because I've never felt threatened by a foo. That means, they're doing a heck of a job on the front lines.

If the Goo Goo Dolls and Lady Gaga ever go on tour together, it could be called the Goo Goo Gaga tour.

I will rise like a phoenix that tripped over an extension cord, hurt its shoulder, then stood up awkwardly.

I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache, and suddenly, she's not your friend anymore.

Mimosas are dangerous AF. One minute you're eating breakfast, the next minute, you're sending "you up?" texts at 2 PM.

I know I'm not supposed to self-diagnose, but I just googled my symptoms and I'm pretty sure I'm a raccoon.

As a society, can we agree that we're all passing back and forth the same slightly used gift bag?