SadisticHellChild

Has literally been forever, just read through the cringe stories I have published years ago, hate them. Grammar didn't exist. Hate it even more.

SadisticHellChild

this message may be offensive 
You know that one feeling of your energetic and shit with one person but as soon as your forced tot interact with another or anything intrupts that happy mood- or your just brought to a place with too many people and suddenly you just want to die to get away from the people and the dreaded feeling

SadisticHellChild

It's not just me who feels like every action I do is forced or taken off of someone else and every thought is made because of other people- sometimes I feel like a machine just living for other people's sake and not actually, living- and anytime I try to ask myself what j want to do, answers I've already said to please other people or answers I've given up on already pop up like a cycle that has no stops. Like I'm a coded machine, and I'm stuck in a never ending loop of I'll do this then, or this will end up done by the end of the day because I'll somehow manage to suddenly get motivated to do it even though I'm so burnt out that taking breaks burns me out- and all I can see being burnt out as is an excuse of my own so I don't have time do anything- like how just because all my limbs hurt j babe to push myself because everyone is fine, or they do more than me and handle it better... Sometimes I just want to not exist- hell I hate people but can't stand being alone or my friends not inviting me to things or what- and I'm not even sure if it's ME who doesn't like people, or the other way around, or if it's just a learned behavior that I leached off of someone else- I just want to know who "I" am considering I apparently always shown hate for my given name and just now realize how much I actually hated it when everyone around me realized so much sooner in MY life-