سَباتيسيا

الفراغ الذي امسسُه من داخلي خطرٍ، خطِر جدًا. لم اجلسُ باكية بحرقة، بل أدمعت عينيّ جالسة في سيارتي وأنا اسمعُ اغنيةٌ كنتُ أخشى ان تُذكرني بك. لم احزنُ وافتقدُك ولستُ اموت شوقاً، أنا فقط بطيئة الأستيعاب ولا زلتُ آباء القبول برحيلَك. قلبي ليس مجروحٌ بقدر غضبه، فأنا أتمنى ما اشعر به لكَ ضربَ عشرٍ.

Dec 16, 2023.
          And just like that, you are gone and just a memory, chapter closed.
          But the thing that hurts most and was what I was scared of most was that day that I saw you, talked to you, laughed with you, and looked into your eyes was the last time, and I didn’t know it was.
          But it’s whatever, I’ll recover like always.

لن احبذ ان يكون مروري عاديًا لا يذكر! كقارئ..
          دون مديح ذلك الفن الذي جسدته ببراعة داخل رواية تغلغلت داخلي دون رحيل؛
          
          شكرًا، والكثير من الشكر ايتها العظيمة، 
          اتمنى إني قد تركت طابعاً وآثر بمروري.
          
          كل الحُب يا فنانتي، اتمنى لك حياة مليئ بسلام.
          سيكون من الرائع جدًا قراءة شيء اخر من كتاباتكِ، ذات يوم!
          
          -إيف 
          3>

Sep. 30
          I made sure I said happy birthday to him, seeing that smile on his face was better later than never.

Aug 25, 2023
          Him saying “تعرفي بطلت؟" with a big smile on cuz he knew I’d be so proud of him and then me actually telling him that I am so proud of him made me forget all my life problems. 

Aug. 11, 2023
          Telling him I drove to work just at the end of my day and seeing him be proud and me feeling like it’s the biggest achievement ever was one of the best feelings I’ve ever felt.

July 21, 2023 
          He said and I quote,
          “Happy belated birthday Sabaa”
          And it meant the whole world to me that he wanted to say it in person, with the biggest smile on his face, then have it be a text or a comment.

          You taught me a secret language I can’t speak with anyone else 
          .
          And you know damn well, for you I would ruin myself, a million little time.

June 17, 2023
          He said and I quote
          “فكرت بالكلمة يالي هي الك، مُميزة"
          And although it’s jokes, I still melted

May 19, 2023
          he said, and I quote 
          “سبأ، كافي تكوني زعلانِة"
          And I melted