PuddingALaMode

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          	Dandys world update  got me screaming. Especially Dyle (BEZEL?!!?).

PuddingALaMode

this message may be offensive 
Just a vent.
          
          I did everything to be "perfect". Followed the rules, was selfless, trying to be nice 24/7, easy to handle or whatever that was seen as a good thing, i was also a punching bag. It feels like everything is okay because i'm used to being yelled at, told to do stuff, getting hit. But i know it's not okay, though i find comfort in it all, even if i'm scared.
          
          MY FAM
          Parents:I don't wanna stay with my parents, yet i do, bc I love them even more than I love music, more than i love the moon. They are a poisnous flower I breathe in, the smell is lovely  yet toxic. I'll drown in their arms, not out of relief but in fear that they will give up on me and this may be the last  thing i'll ever get from them, even if i hate when they touch me, i love it, i love it so damn much. But i feel so digusted when they do hug/pat my back/ect.
          
          My lil bro: Hits me..screams at me. I do love him, it isn't his fault, he can't control his impulses, he touches me weirdly too, but he doesn't know any better. I hate how i can love someone so subconsciously cruel. Is it because i know it's not him, it's his mental state, despite being only 9, he has such concerning responses as in "i should take a knife and kms" and "I'm just a unwanted child" and so on. It gives me a panic attacks everytime, i've cried knowing he feels like that. I hate him, i love him, i care but i don't care..he doesn't deserve all of this. I know i hit him sometimes when i get to angry..i feel guilty as fuck. It's one of the reasons i wanna/think i should hurt myself.
          
          My older sis: You blamed me for things i did not do, you keep  telling me do that! or do this! Like please leave me the fuck alone. i love you...but i hate how you think you can just..control me like a  puppet. i really do care about you and accept the mistakes you do. Though you dont do the same thing for me, you then act like you're so nice. It doesn't cover up my tears of pain because you act like i'm just some stupid bitch.
          
          Good day y'all

PuddingALaMode

EUGHGGHHGGH, i have the same problem with Pavlova cookie rn. Game gave me awakened pure vanilla on a single pull  on their freaking gacha.
          
          i have spent 10k gems and waht 20 -30 cookie cutters on Pavlova's gacha...i got him 1 time and just a bunch of soulstones