Pa1nt-EateR
Camp camp is amazing I’m already on season four and I just watched it yesterday also I found out I’m a Max kinnie
Pa1nt-EateR
Pa1nt-EateR
I’m sorry that I’m venting rn but I don’t anywhere else to go without being called selfish and being told that I walk all over people . Trigger warning for sh .
I so tired and exhausted , I feel like no body likes me and that no body cares about me or anything associated with me . I was 72 days clean and I just had to ruin it now , out of all the things I do I relapse and cry . I just want to talk to someone but I feel like I’m just forcing them to listen and deal with my feelings . That’s all I want to say but there is so much more , but please take care of yourself and make sure you eat something and drink some water .
Pa1nt-EateR
We need more Kaeya angst
CinnaminRicePudding
@Kian8290 OH MY GOD I FORGOT TO ASK!!! Do you want early access to my writing? Like a google doc or something; I have always wanted to do something like this but never had the chance to!!!!
Pa1nt-EateR
this message may be offensive
TW: SA , SH , CAR CRASH , SU!C!DE ATTEMPTS , STARVATION , DEPRESSION AND FAMILY DEATH
I am so fucking tired , I got SA’d when I was 7 and started to starve myself bc I didn’t like how my body looked , then I started SH at 8 , got diagnosed with depression at 11 , got into a car crash , and now , after all that shit that happened , my great grandfather dies . I hate this , I don’t know what to do , I hate my body , my name , the way my voice sounds and how I look and how I dress . The way I do my hair , greet people , I hate everything about me . I feel like my friends are drifting away from me and I feel like no one likes me and they just put up with me . I tried so hard to be the “girl” that my mom wanted and raised , yet whatever I do , no matter how hard I try , I still am lazy , and I need to try harder . I just want someone to listen to my feelings and at least try to understand how I feel and why , I want someone to hold me in their arms while I let my emotions out . I want the love and attention my mom never gave to me . I didn’t even know if my mom loved me when she told me if I knew she loved me . I just want this hole in my heart to go away , I just want to be okay .
CinnaminRicePudding
this message may be
offensive
@Kian8290 I'll always be here if you need me, I know what it's like to be SA at a young age, so it's not like I wouldn't understand. Helping people is like, the only thing I'm good at. So maybe we could give it a try? Also, I know this sound really fucking hypocritical coming from me but taking your own life isn't that best option. I thought it was and then I found something I was really looking forward to in adulthood. It's the little things that help you get through it all, but it can be harder alone. I know it might be weird since I'm practically a stranger, well I am, but just know that you can talk to me. You said it to me before. My door's always open to anyone, I'll listen to whatever you have to say, and I can give you my best advice on it. I also know that talking to a therapist or an adult can be harder than talking to someone who is also a kid. I don't know a lot about body image because I try my best to stray away from that, but I think I can still help if you let me. With the death of a family member, it can be tough to let new people in your life sometimes, but if I could I'd be glad to help, I don't have too much a busy schedule anyways. Just know that we've DMed before and I'm always available to talk to, or if you don't want to talk, we can play genshin or talk about other shared interest. As far as I know you seem like a wonderful person and I'm sorry you have to go through all of this, but as far as I can help it, I won't let you go through it completely alone. I'm so sorry that I didn't see this sooner and that I didn't make it clearer that you can reach out to me, even out of the blue or in the middle of a conversation, I won't be mad. I just think that I can help, and I should if I have that ability. So, you can reach out to me when you see this if you would like to, or just talk to me about anything at all. I'll aways be here for you. <3
Pa1nt-EateR
I tried to commit twice already and I don’t know what to do , I’m so tired yet I still need to be on top of it all . I want to be happy , I want my mom to understand who I want to identify as instead of just blaming it on my thyroid disorder . I want to feel loved , but I feel like I don’t deserve it and I am not capable of loving anyone , not even myself .
Pa1nt-EateR
HAHAHAHAHABBAHAHABA TWO DAYS AGO I GOT IN A CAR CRASH WITH MY SIS BC WE WANTED TO GET A MILKSHAKE IM SO SORE I CAN BARELY MOVE MY LEFT ARM HAHAHA (still didn’t get the dang milkshake)
Pa1nt-EateR
WTFFFFF so my whole grade had to sing our sagas to the rest of the our grade and when my team went and sing our cringey song FOR SOME REASON WE WERE THE ONLY TEAM THAT GOT HIGH FIVES AND EVERYONE KEPT CHEERING TOR IS WAY MOTE THEN THE OTHERS WTFFFF. Also I ripped off my cuticle and my friend wanted to give me a high fine but my hand was bloody so I high fived her with the back of my hand (srry this is long)
Pa1nt-EateR
@CinnaminRicePudding It was a meh some of my classmates almost sent me in a panic attack tho
CinnaminRicePudding
@Kian8290 Sounds like you just had a really interesting day. Can't tell if it was a good or bad one though-
Pa1nt-EateR
AHHHHH THIS FRIDAY MY GRADE IS GOING TO DO MARS MISSION AND WE HAVE TO MAKE OUR BUBBLE HABITATS AND THEN WE HAVE TO PRESENT TO OUR WHOLE SCHOOL AND WE HAVE SAGAS AND WE HAVE TO PRESENT THOSE BUT GUEES WHAT . MY TEAM DECIDED TO DO THE MOST CRINGIEST SONG WE DID “We Don’t Talk About Bruno” IDK WHY THEY CHOSE IT BUT WHYYYYY
CinnaminRicePudding
@Kian8290 BROSKEY I'M GOING TO BE FRANK WITH YOU, I HAVE NO CLUE ON WHAT THE HECK YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, BUT I FEEL BAD FOR YOU.
Pa1nt-EateR
JUST GOT AYAKA WITH ONE WISH!!!!! AHHHHHH
Pa1nt-EateR
@CinnaminRicePudding My friends said that getting Ayaka with one wish warned me to stop maining Kaeya.NEVER