Milica

Ljudi, vi možda mislite da sam talentovana za pisanje i da dobro shvatam određene teme i da zato petice na pismenim iz srpskog padaju, ali ja zapravo nijednu lektiru nisam pročitala, nego ja mnogo dobro znam da skrenem sa teme i odem u kurac, a to sve izgleda kao da znam o čemu pričam, a ja sam u fazonu ,,Jebemliga koja je ovo lektira uopšte''. Mnogo smaram na pismene i proseravam, upoređenja ubacujem de stignem, a kad malo bolje razmisliš, od dve ispisane strane, nema ukupno 3 rečenice vezano za lektiru. Samo zaludim narod.

Žalost je mnogo čudna stvar. Čudna emocija. Bukvalno radiš sve da bi prekrio da žališ za nekim, za nečim- Za nekim ko je preminuo, za nekim ko je otišao, za nekim ko se promenio, za nekim ko se nije promenio, za nečim što se desilo i što se neće desiti i što želiš da se desi. Žališ, jer nije fer. Život nije fer - poigrava se sa tobom kako hoće.
          Bes, jer to ne može tako (može, ali ne želiš da prihvatiš). Živiš sa besom, u besu, bes kao primarna emocija za sve. Kada si besan, ne osećaš ništa drugo. Ne žališ i ne možeš da zaceliš. Bes ne zaceljuje bol, bes ga produbljuje - imaš razne misli šta je moglo biti i šta je bilo i mogao si promeniti mnogo toga i besan si zbog toga. I ne žališ. Besan si.
          Možda si prošao kroz oba. Možda ne. Ako jesi, ne znaš šta je bolje - bes, kao rana koja ne zaceljuje ili žalost, kao ožiljak da se to desilo i da je stvarno i da se ne može vratiti.

ok ok ovo je za jednog dečaka, mnogo kul lik, budući zet ako bog da
          ***
          I heard stories about him, about boy named Mixa. And, of course i thought he will be some egoistic dipshit. He wasn't. We met roughly five or six days after my sis went to Montenegro. I was in mood of drinking, so i went on other side of city. I bring glasses and few of us drink. And was it funny, oh boy. So, Mixa drink a little lot, eh. My fault, really, i gave him to drink, i didn't expect that he will be drunk after 7 glasses of  liqueur, really. He was funny, 14 yo, black hair, two earring on his ear and he want third one on other ear. I watched him as he stumbled upon words, talking about my sister, i watched him as he stumbled upon thin air as he was trying to walk. Me, being the awesome person i am, decided to follow him home, cuz he was drunk af. We talked a little, mostly it was him about my sister and how he will text with her till 2 a.m (and it come upon my mind that he didn't say that just because - he said that, because they already did that).
          And there was one thing that he said that carved into my mind, bones, soul.
          ,,My whole class hate me''
          I was shocked. Stunned. Whatever word you want to use.
          I asked why. He didn't know. ,,They just do''.
          I wanted to ask another thing. I wanted to ask
          ,,How could anyone hate you?''
          *****
          Mixo, budući zete, nisi mogo goru devojku od moje sestre da nađeš. A moja sestra nije mogla da nađe boljeg momka. Isk užas i lepota, 2 u 1

Osoba1: IZVINI ALI TO ŠTO IMAM LEPO NAPISANE I UKRAŠENE BELEŠKE NE ZNAČI DA ZAPRAVO UČIM, VEĆ DA JE *ESTETIKA* VRLO BITNA BITCH
          Osoba 2: IMAM 3 TESTA I 2 ODGOVARANJA SUTRA I OSAM KEČEVA I JEDINO ŠTO ZNAM JE DA SU PANTALONE NA ŠPANSKOM ,,PANTALON''. NEMAM ŠPANSKI
          Osoba 3: zašto vičete
          2: PAŠĆU RAZRED
          1: PAŠĆU ŽIVOT
          3: pašću sa merdevina. držite proklete merdevine čvrsto, paŠĆ-
          1: Ups
          3: ne osećam noge
          2: koliko se ja razumem u medicinu, to nije dobro.
          3: ZOVI HITNU
          1: šta se dereš, koji ti je
          *****
          1: (2 ujutru) OVO JE TREĆI PUT ZAREDOM DA SAM ZABORAVIO DA NAHRANIM PSA
          2: Imaš psa?
          3: Treći put *zaredom*?
          2: ImAš PsA?!
          3: IS HE EVEN FUCKING ALIVE
          2: IMAŠ PSA?!!!
          1: ups.
          ***
          1: OKEJ SASTANAK SVI!
          2: 8 ujutru je. Zašto si ustao u 8 ujutru?
          1: Nisam ni spavao.
          3: OMG, BESTI, NI JA
          2: Zašto. Smo. Ovde?
          Osoba 4: To se i ja pitam svakog dana...
          1: Neki poseban razlog za egzistencijalnu krizu ovako rano?
          3: Ko je ovo?
          2: Novi cimer.
          4: NIsmo se upoznali, helou.
          3: Zašto mi niko nije rekao da imamo novog cimera?
          2: Ne gledaj u mene, prespavala sam pola nedelje
          1: Ups.
          ***
          1: Čiji je red za kuvanje?
          2: Nije moj
          4: Ni moj
          3: Pliz, ne oslanjajte se na mene, najkomplikovanija stvar koju sam spemao u zadnje dve godine su bile nudle i supa iz kesice.
          4: Očigledno je moj...
          1,2,3: NE!
          4: PONAVLJAM, NIJE MOJA KRIVICA ŠTO JE *NEKO* POMEŠAO MAJONEZ I PAVLAKU ZA RUSKU SALATU
          1: ups
          
          +++BONUS ZA MARVEL FANOVE
          teenTony: Dad, this is my boyfriend.
          Howard: Hi, son, i am Howard, Tony's dad
          teenStephenStrange: *smug* HOWARD DOING?!

He have poor orientation - he always got lost, everywhere, even if he is in his own town. There was few major times that happened.
          
          When he was five, he got lost in forest. (They found him whole day later, on a tree, singing to birds and squirrels.)
          When he was seven, he got lost in shop center. (Her mother found him an hour later, two floors down from where she was. He was wondering through pet shop there)
          When he was ten, he got lost at his uncle's farm. (They didn't even bother to try and find him, they already knew he was there, with horses. He came back same evening.)
          When he was thirteen, he went to school trip in another country and got lost. (They found him after five hours of poor explaining over phone where he was - there are five big trees... No, i don't where am I, everything is written in italian)
          When he was sixteen, he got lost into her eyes. (He is still wandering. He have a family now. He never found a way out of her eyes, of her endless adoration)

DANAS PRELISTAVAM SVESKU IZ MATEMATIKE I NAILAZIM NA OVO
          ***
          +Not completely in love with you, only sometimes, usually when you buy me lollipops and when you laugh. I like the way you laugh.
          -Then I will laugh all the time.
          +Then I will be in love with you all the time.
          -Sounds fun. I am already in love with you all the time.
          +Me too, really. I just so love myself, like, mirror is my favorite thing ever. Or any surface where I can see my stunning reflection.
          66666666666
          NIJE NI ČUDO ŠTO IMAM KECA IZ MATEMATIKE

DA DA DA
          ZNAM DA SU MI ŠALE OČAJNE
          TO NE ZNAČI DA NE TREBA DA SE SMEJEŠ JEBEM TI SANDALICU
          JEL SE JA SMEJEM KAD LUPAŠ GLUPOSTI
          SMEJEM SE
          E PA SMEJ SE I TI MOJIM ŠALAMA
          TRUDIM SE
          STVARNO SE TRUDIM
          ZATO KAD ISPRIČAM JEBENI VIC U MANJE OD 10 REČI SMEJ SE
          SMEJ SE
          SMEJTE SE CRKLI DABOGDA, JA SAM PRESMEŠNA, AKO SE VEĆ NE SMEJETE MOJIM ŠALAMA, SMEJTE SE MENI GOVEDA JEDNA BRDSKO PLANINSKA IMAM 17 GODINA I NIJE MI ŽIVOT PRELAGAN IMAM KECA IZ MATEMATIKE I ŠTROKAVOG PSA I NISAM ZASLUŽILA VAŠU JEBENU OKRUTNOST DA ME SAMO POGLEDATE KAD SE NAŠALIM, SMEJTE SE JEBEM VAM SLANINICU

Pavle Zogović, moj Pavle drugar, ako se neko seća kolko sam mlela o njemu, je uradio minival. I kupio prsten.
          KOJI KURAC SE DEŠAVA, SVE OTIŠLO U PIZDU MATERINU OTKAD SAM NAPUSTILA CRNU GORU

ljudiii, znači
          Jel i vi kad se upoynate sa nekom starijom osobom (40+ godina) i kao, dobri ste sa njima (oni tipa frendovi roditeja všaih, ujaka, blablabla kapirate već)
          I sad vi imate tipa
          12-20 godina, kako ko ovde
          I baš se dobro slažete sa njima
          I mislite kao
          Jebote, jednog dana će da umru, a ja ću da budem tužna kad se to desi?
          
          E ovako
          Znači, mama me upoznala sa nekoliko njenih školskih drugara od kad smo se vrnule za stalno u Jagodinu
          Upoznala sam kumu što me krstila, upoznala sam maminog najboljeg školskog, jednu ženu što je zovem tetkom, iako nije, ali je preinteligentna. Upoznala sam i par ljudi iz restorana gde ona radi i svi su super (iako je JEDAN ISTI ČOVEK UVEK ZA ISTIM STOLOM KAD GOD SVRATIM KOD MAJKE NA POSO, JEL SE ON PRESELIO BRE TAMO)
          I svi imaju 40+ godina
          Ali su ono kul, da ne dužim sad
          
          I sad, ja imam 17, uskoro 18
          I njih bukvalno svaki dan viđam (pojedinačno, neke ne vidim po dva meseca, jebo ih Zlatibor i Nemačka i Beograd) a druge svaki božiji dan
          I ja sad razmišljam, npr, ja ću moći ono, da se družim sa njima dok ne pomru
          E to mene jebe
          Svi oni će da umru pre mene (valjda. možda me sutra rokne auto i dumnem) i sad šta, ja treba da idem i plačem? Kao, treba da budem ok sa njima sad i da na kafe idem sa njima, da se družim sa njihovom decom itd... a znam da će da umru za neku deceniju. I meni to mnogo glupo, ja bih radije da nikog od njih nisam upoznala, da se zaštitim od svega, pa kad umru, nek im je sa srećom. Ali ovakko brate, šta, ja nnjih poznajem i sve super, a jednom će da umru i kurac posle. Ili šta ako moja majka umre pre nekog od njih i sad ja plačem sve normalno i oni me teše, a tipa su svi slično godište (+10 god). Ili neko od njih će jednom da umre i moja majka će da bude mnogo tužna i  daplače urac palac i tako i ovi drugi iz tog društva i šta onda?
          šta će mi koji kurac bilo ko, super mi bio i bez njih.
          ALi sad kad gledam unazad i razmišljam šta bih promenila (od avgusta pa na ovamo) i ono, bukvalno ništa. Da je sve isto
          help me

Do you know how hard it is to crack human heart? Just a tiny crack, a print of hurting. A line. It's very hard. You must tell wrong words at wrong time at wrong place to right person. Then you repeat it, over an over again, until you finally break it. You'll need years to broke heart.
          So, look at her. At that girl, with wide smile and bright eyes. Tell me, what you see?
          -I see a girl. She looks so sure of herself. Arrogant. She is acting like she own place. The way she hug that boy around shoulders, he clearly is uncomfortable. Did I got anything right?
          +Yeah. She is indeed girl.
          -Well, tell me.
          +She have ADHD. One of the smartest people i met. The most kindest person i ever met. Sometimes she talks whole day. Sometimes she don't say a word for week.
          -She was arrogant when I was talking to her, like sh-
          +She was like that, because you said Dr.Smith taught lies and that his research is total bullshit. He was her brother.
          -Shit...
          +Half an hour ago, she was sobbing on the floor. She know whole research by heart. She hates herself because she is not smart enough to work on it and to continue it. She is this smart, because when Dr.Smith died, she decided to keep him alive in some way. SO she learned. She know more about universe than some astrophysics. She know science behind those stars, black holes, ultra-waves. Numbers upon numbers upon numbers, and yet, she can't remember to not put fork into microwave. And she have the biggest heart. Like, really fucking huge, because i saw her what she can do and it is wonder how she didn't kill you the moment you said that about Smith.
          (You can't break her heart. It was broken the day her brother died, 8 years ago. She was 9. So, whatever you say, just remember, she is not what you think she is. She is much more broken. And she is just 17)