MacabreReads

It’s sad when you realize even your most basic goals in life are near unattainable based off how things are going. 
          	
          	I’m too poor for life. I can’t even afford college. I feel like a loser. I was in the top 12% of my graduating high school class, and yet it means nothing in the way of scholarships and help. 
          	
          	It sucks to just be good and not great. Nothing goes to the good.

RavenAkuma

@MacabreReads Don't lose all hope. It's also modern times that make it difficult; my brother was laid off his job for pretty much no reason, other than California was making "budget cuts" to fit the pandemic and the state's ridiculous spending habits. I'm sure that, once things chill down, you'll find some great opportunities! There's always a place for you, out there :)
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Alishkha45

@MacabreReads I know that feeling...
          	  You want to become someone but you end up becoming someone else.
          	  Nothing goes the way we want it to go.
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MacabreReads

It’s sad when you realize even your most basic goals in life are near unattainable based off how things are going. 
          
          I’m too poor for life. I can’t even afford college. I feel like a loser. I was in the top 12% of my graduating high school class, and yet it means nothing in the way of scholarships and help. 
          
          It sucks to just be good and not great. Nothing goes to the good.

RavenAkuma

@MacabreReads Don't lose all hope. It's also modern times that make it difficult; my brother was laid off his job for pretty much no reason, other than California was making "budget cuts" to fit the pandemic and the state's ridiculous spending habits. I'm sure that, once things chill down, you'll find some great opportunities! There's always a place for you, out there :)
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Alishkha45

@MacabreReads I know that feeling...
            You want to become someone but you end up becoming someone else.
            Nothing goes the way we want it to go.
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MacabreReads

Man. Life is stressful. I hate when you share you’re dreams with people, and so that your dreams aren’t crushed, they... crush your dreams. 
          
          Literally was just told my boyfriend isn’t going to become healthy, I need to plan for just myself, and that I won’t be able to afford a wedding or honeymoon ever because my boyfriend won’t be able to ever have a job. 
          
          F- people sometimes. Like gods. I’m getting so sick of daily stress and anxiety. 
          
          Being autistic on top of having all this s**t in my life is really gonna give me an early grave with how much stress I feel daily. I’m so sick of people. And then I’m frustrated by how hard it is for anyone to understand my thought processes. Yet hypocritically I get incredibly pissed at the half-baked thoughts of others that tend to leave out so many factors and also hopeful can’t quite yet be determined factors. I don’t get assuming the present will always exist for finances and whatnot. 
          
          I’m also just tired of people telling me I need to act normal in order to exist in the world. I act as normal as I can. I don’t ask others to act autistic for my sake. 
          
          Gods the anxiety every day is becoming too much.

Alishkha45

@MacabreReads hey
            Hope you are doing good :) 
            I wanted you to suggest a series which might catch your interest...
            The series name is ‘Good Doctor’
            In it there is this guy named Shaun Murphy and he is autistic. They show his troubles for jobs and everything. It’s really great. 
            Must give a try. It’s available on prime video.
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PresidentDuck

@MacabreReads It sounds like things are hard right now for you. And I can’t say I know what you’re going through, but I can say that things are going to be okay. Give things some time and know that you’re going to be okay.
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MacabreReads

New story I wrote and completed. It’s not the best since my writing ability has become rusty after all the time I didn’t use it, but it’s something after so long. 
          https://www.wattpad.com/story/261085234?utm_source=ios&utm_medium=postToProfile&utm_content=story_info&wp_page=story_details&wp_uname=MacabreReads&wp_originator=%2BDighK7Q7NL1tNSCPgQoQA%2BXIq7HK%2B2vL%2B%2Bv2yUS7t3%2Bd%2F0YYgHFPIbtLfWzWP%2B4MDS9ls8qNKpMeE%2FnCbdokyk%2Bbc9dpeuNoZxYuQn1ItccqGQFeYeq2aII1lCZmK8o

MacabreReads

I saw the face of god, AND IT WAS SQUARE

EmrysRhodri

@MacabreReads will check it out!
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Fallxn_Freak

@MacabreReads  Oh my, so what I've been learning in my Catholic Studies class is all just a LIE? xD
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MacabreReads

Watch the meatcanyon YouTube video that’s titled “The passion of the craft”. It’s great. Meatcanyon is a great creator. @EmrysRhodri @lehualani
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MacabreReads

Sorry for the lack of updates from me in a while. 
          
          I’m honestly struggling a lot right now. I’ll be back soon, I promise, to finish up the awards and whatnot. 
          
          I’m sorry. I have a lot going on. 
          
          Besides work taking up a lot of time now, and my freelance graphic designing, life has been miserable. 
          
          I’ve been feeling like a loser lately. Covid has made me feel unable to gain independence. It’s like I’m jammed and can’t move forward. I had to drop out of college after my first semester since I learned nothing and really struggled with online learning despite being an honors student, I don’t really have the money right now for college anyway since I’m very poor and didn’t get any scholarships despite being an honors student and in the top 20% of my 2020 graduating class, I can’t move out of my house, and my job is fast food despite professional graphics training, which I realized is horrible since the market has been flooded with incredibly cheap product by untrained hacks. So yeah. Feeling like I’ve made mistakes up to now to be in this situation. I just feel like I can’t move forward. I’ve honestly even considered suicide since I’ve felt that stuck. But I thankfully didn’t consider for long. I value my potential for future generations too much. 
          
          I don’t know what to do with my life anymore. It’s like I can’t even enjoy writing any longer. I feel like I have no career path. 
          
          I seriously thought about potential jobs. But nothing caught my eye. I just wish to be a housewife and homeschool my kids. But that’s only really something to have as a dream these days. Two incomes are sadly a necessity for being stable and having kids in a comfy situation. Yet being single also seems to be the trend too. It’s such a dismal thing.

MacabreReads

Lately I’ve just not had any hope in the idea of being joyous in the future. I don’t think any path that’ll be stable will make me happy. It’s nothing more than a pipe dream really to have three or hopefully more kids as I want in the lifestyle I want. It’s so strange how something as simple as children and homes are so difficult to obtain. I can’t just choose a spot and build a house with my own hands and help from others. Forests are somehow owned. It’s so silly to me. I can’t work for myself. I must get a fraction of my work where the rest is split apart to everyone above me in rank. I can’t work for my family. 
            
            Then finally and worst of all, my bf is ill. I’m afraid it’s some awful genetic disorder or something terminal. If he dies, I really don’t know what I’ll do. And similarly, he said if he’s going to be like this the rest of his life, he’ll need time apart to cope. I don’t know what then in that case either. 
            
            So much lately is just crushing any hope I had. I thought after highschool would be my time to move towards my goals. Now it’s like each one is getting stomped to death.
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MacabreReads

New Premade cover out for the taking! 
          
          Remember, I accept book cover requests!
          https://www.wattpad.com/story/244716638?utm_source=ios&utm_medium=postToProfile&utm_content=story_info&wp_page=story_details&wp_uname=MacabreReads&wp_originator=O6vto50npFsGGNxOaHSrqrwZgy%2Fp107bAJdQUVwvxZ04KR4x7%2Bqh2Sl75FC2pUg4hoT0G40Sop%2BhSw5Ab58wtmQagRzkkRH0fH0DNMbo%2B6C7BjUlq0PMcPTa%2FD6%2BMEsH

MacabreReads

@Alexaailine I also accept requests if you have something in mind!
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MacabreReads

I just find art from online that sparked an emotion. I actually had some images saved on my phone for covers I plan to make that are diverse tho! I honestly don’t really focus on that aspect when choosing images and just choose whatever I think would make for a good cover. @Alexaailine
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Alexaailine

@MacabreReads I love your covers. I just wish it was more diverse in terms of skin colour.
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roboverse

Hi! Excuse me I want to talk to you about your book phililopian awards is it something I could sign up for

MacabreReads

Hello! You already signed up! No worries! You’re in the fiction category! Just keep checking the new chapters of the book so you don’t miss your review when general fiction finally finishes judging! @roboverse
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MacabreReads

Please, we just need a gen fic judge! There are awards to judging!

RuBbEr_DuCkYIsThEOnE

Np!!!
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MacabreReads

@WhAtThEfLuTeMaRkLeE I would greatly appreciate the assistance! I’ll sign you up for it!
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MacabreReads

@StorysOfAShipper yep! Thanks for applying!
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