Redfox

I miss those days where I would just talk at my mom and not worry about anything I said. Now it’s impossible. I hate growing up. 

Laying in bed thinking about how I don’t cry even by myself. I haven’t really allowed myself to just cry in 2 years and I could literally snap any moment but I just...don’t? Huh, weird.

Instead of talking my feeling out I will scream into my pillow to feel the immediate stress relief.

Fuck. So that’s what? Eight years of my life? Thirteen with everyone’s expectations on my shoulders? Months of hard work? Writing until my fucking fingers hurt? Suffering trying to make sure I made it? I was so close. I was so fucking close. So goddamn close. The rug always has to come out from under my feet, huh. What’s the fucking problem? Am I not good enough? I put aside everything. Everyone to make sure that all that fucking work payed off. That it wouldn’t be useless. And yet here I am. Drowning in a river of tears and failure shoved down my throat. Fuck. And it wasn’t even me who made a mistake. I had it set. Success was guaranteed. And here I am once again, suffering for someone else’s mistake and not even allowed to chow my tears. 
          
          “Cut your losses” you see, what you don’t understand is that after I ‘cut my losses’ I don’t have a goddamn thing left.

So uh. Girls. And feelings. Hurt me badly.

Damn wattpad let me browse the LGBTQ+ section? Why I gotta wait ten damn years for this shit.

IM SO SHOOK THEY CHANGED THE WATTPAD APP COMPLETELY! IM KINDA IN LOVE BUT AT THAT SAME TIME ITS SO WEIRD SKSKSKSKSK

FUCK! She knows I know! She knows I know! Goddamnit! At least she don’t know about my iPad.

So my mom put screen time on my phone, I feel betrayed and ridiculed. But she forgot one thing, my tablet is to old for her to put screen time on it. So guess who found the loophole. I also know the screen time password and I'm kinda scared that she's gonna find out and change it.

Y’all I thought TMI was bad but I just finished Lady Midnight and half of Lord of Shadows. Cassie wtf? The tension is fücking killing me. Jules is a babe and deserves to be treated as nothing less.