Ben

Wow. Looking at my old status, I can tell I was a pretty intense guy. Lots of energy, too much to prove, and no outlets. For the longest time, I wasn't aware of reality. I was self centered cared for nothing but the present. Satisfaction, cheap and easy to attain, was my focus in life. It didn't matter how foolish I acted. It didn't matter if my life would eventually fall apart if I maintained that lifestyle. I just had to enjoy the moment, and all my worries would go away. Worries for the future, my place among my "friends", education, and even family would just disappear. It was just me and the moment.

However, satisfaction became harder to attain. Keeping the smile on my face became difficult. Harassing people through an opaque screen grew boring and unsatisfying. Talking with others for simple and friendly chatter lost meaning. I was growing up. I didn't notice.

Growing up wasn't really a bad thing though. I've come to terms with the fact that I'll never know who I really am. All I can do to define myself is to leave an impression. Who I think I am means nothing if the people I meet and see view me as nothing more than another person who is inconsequential to their lives. My personality, behavior, and appearance, all the things that make me Ben/Bu/Umbrardor, serve the purpose of being my definition. But if no one knows the definition of a word, then is it really a word?

It doesn't matter. Whether I am someone or no one, the only thing that matters is what matters to me. Because I care about my family's opinion of me, I will act nice and work hard to make them proud. Because I like to escape reality at times, I choose a story and dive into another's imagination. Because I want to be surrounded by people who know who I am, I be as friendly and as bold as I can be.
Because I had the sudden urge to express my thoughts, I erased my previous "About Me" and wrote this one.
Was it wrong to pretentiously ramble about my thoughts? No. I wanted to.