Impossible_Heart

I really shouldn't be awake at 02:00. 
          	
          	I'll be leaving the internet now.
          	
          	To go watch anime for about an hour.

Safcfan1

Ok. Why doesn't it appeal to you?

Impossible_Heart

The Bad:
            
            Alright, your grammar isn't the worst, but neither is it the best. 
            
            These are the grammatical issues:
            
            When I said no comma between nobody and mud, I meant there should be a full stop. There are a lot of other places where this happens as well.
            
            http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/runons.htm  I found webpages like these useful. 
            
            You also use some unnecessary words.  “at least try to get the two of them to at least some sort of safety.” You could remove one of those “at least”s and the sentence would still work.
            
            You're not punctuating direct speech correctly. “Jack listen to me” should be “Jack listen to me.” Although if you were saying '“Jack listen to me,” Ethan said,' you need a comma.
            
            God needs to have a capital letter. It's a name. 
            
            You seem to have switched from present tense to past tense, and then back again. 
            
            Now, moving on from grammar:
            
            I wouldn't read this again, nor a first time if all I had was a description. Some might, but this doesn't have anything that can appeal to me. It seems superficial. Perhaps that's because I don't like war, or support it in any way. Still, it lacks anything for me to be interested in. 
            
            
            The Good:
            
            You've got a good vocabulary, and seem to use words where they fit best. It's a great skill to have.
            
            Overview:
            
            Not my sort of story, but it was OK.
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