IRisefromRainbows

heyyyy um I've kind of fallen off the face of the Earth around here. Life got weird and my hyerfixation changed but suddenly I'm having a lot of Andi Mack thoughts again so I thought I'd say hi. I'm thinking about writing a fanmade season four , and I don't know if there's even enough of a fandom anymore for that to be something anyone would still read. Thoughts? 
          	
          	Also, if we used to talk here, hey! You guys are lovely, how have you been?

IRisefromRainbows

Good! Spent the entire day (semi-legally, you do what you gotta do) binging the show! It’s been nice, I missed Tyrus
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disneyswiftie

I would read it! And I’m good, how are you?
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IRisefromRainbows

heyyyy um I've kind of fallen off the face of the Earth around here. Life got weird and my hyerfixation changed but suddenly I'm having a lot of Andi Mack thoughts again so I thought I'd say hi. I'm thinking about writing a fanmade season four , and I don't know if there's even enough of a fandom anymore for that to be something anyone would still read. Thoughts? 
          
          Also, if we used to talk here, hey! You guys are lovely, how have you been?

IRisefromRainbows

Good! Spent the entire day (semi-legally, you do what you gotta do) binging the show! It’s been nice, I missed Tyrus
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disneyswiftie

I would read it! And I’m good, how are you?
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IRisefromRainbows

@HopefullyInvisible2 does this make more sense than I think it does? I have NEVER talked to ANYONE about this... and here I am putting it on the internet... 
          
          I thought I was f**king done with f**king identity crises. I wasn’t aware that “Am I Autistic?” was even on the f**king table. I’m saying f**king A LOT. I wish I wasn’t even preoccupied with this. I probably not even an Aspie. I lot of the things people are saying I don’t think I relate too. But I relate deeply to the concept, especially the sensory overload and the general feeling that society seems illogical, but I can still assimilate pretty easiluuiy into the illogical society (I think) Or maybe I can’t. It feels like I have this whole being a human thing like 85% figured out, and most of the thirteen-year-old that I’m supposed to relate to on a peer level according to adults don’t make any sense to me. Am I supposed to want to spend my energy being like them? How do I feel simultaneously more intelligent and productive them them AND desperate to uncover whatever secret ingredient to existing correctly that everybody else seems to think I have? Everyone keeps saying how autism is a huge spectrum, but how do I figure out if I belong somewhere on that spectrum if I don’t know how to/if I am already seeing the whole thing? I don’t really stem, I don’t know what a meltdown would necessarily feel like if I have those, I understand figurative language most of the time and I’m perfectly fine with like hugging/cuddling with my family and some friends, but then other times certain kinds of touching that I assume are considered completely harmless HURT me. Why is the noise of the outside world stress-inducing and overwhelming but the noise through my headphones pressed right up against my ears calming? That seems weird. I have a million more question and I don’t know what I can even do with the answers, but I’m going to stop here because this... confessional, I guess? Is extremely long.

HopefullyInvisible2

@IRisefromRainbows I'm not sure if what I just said makes any sense, but hopefully it does. 
            
            Um... I personally enjoy some of Paige Layle's content. As far as I know, she's an autistic straightn't white person who uses she/they pronouns (I could be wrong about some of those details, but hopefully I'm not), and, um, her YouTube channel and/or TikTok account might be a good place to start learning more about some things? Or maybe you already know about her.
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HopefullyInvisible2

@IRisefromRainbows I'm...really not sure how to respond to this. I think that what you're saying makes sense, though. If I'm correct, not every autistic person stims, vocally or whatever word hand-flapping falls under. I don't know if what I'm about to say is an autistic thing (or if you can relate to it), but I'm fine with giving my family hugs (except my dad), but if I'm sitting down in a cross-legged way and there's a person beside me who I don't really know whose (who's? I don't know. Words) knee-leg-thing is touching mine, I'll want to move away from that person until our knees aren't touching (or maybe even farther than that, I don't know). I can understand sarcasm when I'm using it or sometimes if it's directed toward someone else, but I usually can't when it's directed toward me; is this person being sarcastic, or are they being serious? I've heard that a lot of other autistic people have to get the tags cut off of their clothes because it makes them feel uncomfortable, and I haven't really experienced that, I don't think (or maybe I have, at a super low intensity). 
            If people have a lot of money and others don't have enough to live, why does money exist? Or at least why can't food, water, and a home be free, or why can't all of rich people give all of the poor people enough money for the poor people to be able to afford to live? Why do certain jobs pay more or less than other jobs do? Why should I have to do schoolwork every minute that I'm not sleeping? I need breaks to do things that I want to do. I don't understand. Why did humans come up with the concept of gender roles? I just don't get it. 
            Honestly, I don't know everything ever about autism. I only have an idea of what I experience as an autistic person and what I've learned about others. I spend a lot of time in my own head, and I don't have all of the answers or information. I'm not trying to make you feel bad or anything like that. Also, sorry if it seems like I'm too focused on myself.
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IRisefromRainbows

I know I’ve kinda disappeared from here this past month. I needed to work through some wacky family stuff. It’s been A LOT to process and I’ve been stretched pretty thin trying to make sure everybody else was okay and unfortunately it came with a heap of Writer’s block. 
          I’ll be okay. 
          I still don’t know exactly when I’ll have something to post again, but I’m hope pretty soon. I’ve really missed writing for you all. I really do love you all. I know 2020’s been a weird ass year. But you what, people are WAY more resilience and adaptable than we think. Remember that. You can handle a lot more than you’d imagine. Good luck with life. Thanking for you reading this and any of my words at all. 

IRisefromRainbows

I’m watching Friends right now. Let me just say, deeply sexist, transphobic, homophobic and fat-phobic, not to mention SHOCKINGLY white. All I can say is... Hilarious show, could not possibly have aged faster or worse. I’m just so glad the world’s made as much progress as we have so quickly, even if there’s so much work that still needs to be done.