jonathan125833
Whats your opinion on my story? I’m curious.
jonathan125833
Also I encourage you to point out anything that could possibly need any rewriting and needs and additional information.
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jonathan125833
Thanks for the response, I’ll try to improve it. I know the beginning was a bit rough. (Not good at beginning parts of a story.) Also I’m a rookie writer, but I still try to make my stories that is worthy for someone to actually read it. But all of this information you gave me was nice to see. And I appreciate your advice about it. But anyways, I’ll shall revise my story and rewrite some parts that need fixing.
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Henry-Man
@jonathan125833 To put it simply: decent While the beginning of the story for me felt limited on what the characters were saying, the battle in the city had an awkward ending, and the ex machina (i pull out rocket launcher at 0.1 Hp before dying); i liked the concept of the Hollow Knight story, the fun references thrown in, Spamton, and i think you can make it interesting. The best thing i can advice you is to revise dialogue not to give past relevant info (Hey, remember the time badass thing happened? it made you look cool and do that thing.) You should try and incorporate it in the scene organically ([birthday] A: Getting Older, John? B: Nah, just gettin' younger. 50 years is just the start. A: Mad would've called you "Tryceratops", if he found out. B: Yeah...miss that son.. A: You'd think Corpo would hide such a death, but no. B:Why? They saw it as free adds, "Miner found dead and retrieved 1000 m. from surface with Corpo tech"? If it wasn't for such a tragedy, you'd be convinced to buy something like that, too. A: ... B: Don't think about it, just... enjoy the cake. All in all, i found it charming. Sorry for the late response, wattpad does not send notifications to my phone anymore.
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